Tuesday, February 3, 2009

GHABB,Y's Semi-Regular Macro View of the NBA: 25 Things LOLLERCAUST

The latest "hip" trend among the young folk is that goddamned annoying "25 random things survey" that's recently appeared on Facebook. The basic premise is simple: you write 25 random and interesting things about yourself, all for public Internet consumption. The surveys themselves make for interesting reading - for example, I didn't know that my friend Sean actually watched America's Next Top Model, or that my friend Emily's favorite food is cheese sandwiches. By the way, cheese sandwiches suck TEN DICKS. Being the oh-so-original soul that I am, I figured I'd write 25 random observations about the NBA (a censored list of this may appear in this week's NBA.com column) and then pass along to 25 of my friends LULLZ:

1) Fantasy owners need to run, not walk, to pick up Lamar Odom right now. He's sucked ten dicks all year as a reserve, but given starter's minutes and the opportunity to not get yanked out of the game at Phil's latest whim, he'll average at least 18 points and 12 rebounds over the next two months.
2) Ray Allen and Rajon Rondo have been more valuable to the Celtics than All-Stars Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnett. One of them better be named to the All-Star team in place of Jameer Nelson, or I'll go on a white person killing spree.
3) I'm absolutely fucking giddy to see how Dwight Howard tops last year's Superman dunk.
4) Years from now, people will refer to the day that Mike D'Antoni left the Suns as "The Day the Music Died."
5) If the second half of his season is as good as his first, Kevin Durant should be the runaway winner of the Most Improved Player award. He's gone from "relatively streaky player" to "top five offensive force in the league." And he's just yet to scratch his surface. Durant will win at least two MVP awards before his career is done.
6) Speaking of Durant, I expected so much more from Greg Oden. I don't know if it's his knee still recovering or what, but he's nowhere near the dominating center I expected him to be.
7) Charlie Villanueva has blown up after Michael Redd's knee injury. He's averaging 34.4 PRA (points+rebounds+assists) per game since Redd went out, and he's showing no signs of slowing down.
8) Ramon Sessions also looks to be the co-beneficiary of Redd's injury. Getting into the starting lineup should make the Bucks a halfway decent team.
9) Now that Carmelo Anthony's hand is healthy, expect him to produce with a vengeance. I'm thinking that he's going to be out to prove that the All-Star voters made the wrong choice in leaving him off the team. Between Carmelo, Billups and Nene, the Nuggets are not a team I'd want to play in the playoffs.
10) Cleveland beats Boston. Boston beats Orlando. Orlando beats Cleveland. Rock beats scissors. Scissors cut paper. Paper covers rock.
11) This week's "Clipper who has been seeing more shots than usual" is Steve Novak. Seriously, Steve Fucking Novak has averaged 14.4 per game in his last five. In a related story, the Clippers are the drizzling shits.
12) Kevin Love is in the top 25 in the league in rebounding, despite playing only 23 minutes per game and being ridiculously white. Ruminate on that for a second.
13) I'd rather have Antawn Jamison in my lineup than Pau Gasol. Dude is painfully underrated.
14) Kobe's performance last night was fucking insane. Too bad he can't do that in the Finals!
15) Maybe it's because I have a huge soft spot for him due to our shared lack of pancreas, but Adam Morrison would average at least 15ppg if he was playing for the Knicks, Magic or Warriors right now.
16) LeBron is averaging 11 rebounds and eight assists per game over his last ten, to go along with his 28 points. Fucking ridiculous.
17) I just finished "Breaks of the Game" by David Halberstam, and it's easily the best basketball book I've ever read. It's an oldie (it covers the 1980 Blazers), but still holds up.
18) "Tip Off" by Filip Bondy and "Pistol" by Mark Kreigel are two other must-read basketball books. Tip Off provides the backstory on the famous 1984 draft, while "Pistol" is the best of the many Pete Maravich biographies I've read.
19) The next Pistol Pete is currently playing in Spain, and his name is Ricky Rubio.
20) Deron Williams is finally finding his scoring touch. He averaged 20.9 points per game in January and is scoring 24.1 per game over his last ten.
21) Al Jefferson was absolutely robbed by not being named to the All-Star team. I'd take him over any of the West reserve forwards, including Dirk Nowitzki.
22) The Hawks have been solid this year, but, as evidenced by their Saturday loss to the Bucks, are in big trouble when one of their starters is out of the lineup. Al Horford should be back by midweek however, but the Hawks' depth problem remains.
23) Even with Zydrunas Ilgauskas back in the lineup, expect the Cavs to deal for some frontcourt help.
24) Going through football withdrawal next weekend? Looking for another sport to watch on a Sunday, in order to ignore your girlfriend/wife? No need to worry, as Celtics/Spurs and Cavs/Lakers should provide you six solid hours of fantastic hoops.
25) I probably shouldn't spend so much time on Facebook.


A Pimp Named DaveR said...

do u lik me plz chk 1:

( ) ya

( ) no

J said...

I ran out of fingers to count the number of dicks being sucked in this post.

ballamiguel said...

Many would appreciate the non-explicit content, GHABBY.

"He's sucked ten dicks all year as a reserve..."

"He's been a huge disappointment as a reserve..."

HZMLS said...

@ballamiguel: Go back to China you Commie.

Boatdrinks said...

Who is this Ben Zani and what did he do with the dicks?
Go Ghabby, live a double life.

nfsffw said...

I keep getting tagged in these 25 things fuckers, and have yet to do one. Just too busy, what with running 2 Mafia Wars crews and working a little here and there.
Good calls on Odom and Sessions, I honestly have been crazy busy with work the past week and haven't paid any attention to my hoop or hockey teams. I'll wait until after tonite's games, but Rip Hamilton, Rodney Stuckey and/or Tayshaun Prince might not be members of The BucketheadZ tomorrow (Marvin Williams is on the wire too,along with K-Love an Grant Hill). I'm in first by 4 games, but I'm a big believer in stepping on necks, and fuck all the PissedOns anyway.