Tuesday, February 3, 2009

The Big Cassel-bowski

By now, many of you have heard the story of how someone peed on Matt Cassel's leg at the ESPN Super Bowl party last weekend. We at Mass Hysteria were able to get the transcript of a conversation between Cassel, Rodney Harrison and rookie backup quarterback Kevin O'Connell in relation to the incident.

It really tied the room together.

RODNEY HARRISON: This was a valued leg. This was, uh--

MATT CASSEL: Yeah man, it really tied the room together--

HARRISON: This was a valued, uh…

KEVIN O’CONNELL: What tied the room together, Matt?

HARRISON: Were you listening to the story, Rookie?

O'CONNELL: What?

HARRISON: Were you listening to the Cassel’s story?

O'CONNELL I was holding a clipboard--

HARRISON: So you have no frame of reference, Rookie. You're like a child who
wanders in in the middle of a movie and wants to know--


CASSEL: What's your point, Rodney?

HARRISON: There's no fucking reason--here's my point, Cassel--there's no fucking reason--

O'CONNELL: Yeah Rodney, what's your point?

CASSEL: What's the point of--we all know who was at fault, so what the fuck are you talking about?

HARRISON: Huh? No! What the fuck are you talking--I'm not--we're talking about unchecked aggression here--


O'CONNELL: What the fuck is he talking about?

CASSEL: My leg.

HARRISOIN: Forget it Rookie, you’re out of your element.

CASSEL: The Drunkenman who peed on my leg, I can’t go give him a bill, so what the fuck are you talking about?

HARRISION: What the fuck are YOU talking about?! I’m talking about drawing a line in the sand, Cassel. Across this line, you do not! Uh, and also, “Drunkenman” is not the preferred nomenclature, Alcoholic-American, please.

CASSEL: We’re not talking about a guy who built the speakeasys here, we’re talking about a guy who peed on my leg.

HARRISON: What the fuck are you---

CASSEL: Rodney, he peed on my leg.

O'CONNELL: He peed on the Cassel’s leg.

HARRISON: ROOKIE YOU’RE OUT OF YOUR ELEMENT. The drunkenman is not the issue, Cassel.

CASSEL: So who...

HARRISON: Tom Brady. Come on. The other Patriots quarterback. The millionaire. And he has the wealth, and, uh, the resources obviously, and there is no reason, no FUCKING reason why his ex-wife should go out and pump out babies and they pee on your leg.


CASSEL: No, but..

HARRISON: AM I WRONG?

CASSEL: Yeah, but…

HARRISON: That leg really tied the room together, did it not.

CASSEL: Fuckin A.

O'CONNELL: And this guy peed on it.

HARRISON: Rookie, please.

CASSEL: I could find this Patriots quarterback guy…

O'CONNELL: He’s a Patriots quarterback? That’s your job dude!

CASSEL: Yeah, this is the guy, this guy should compensate me for the fucking leg. I mean his wife goes out and churns out bastard children and they pee on my leg.

HARRISON: That’s right Cassel, they peed on your fucking leg. They peed on your fucking leg.

3 comments:

Rocco said...

That was fucking awesome

Pepster said...

I concur. I haven't seen that movie in about six months. About time for another viewing.

Anonymous said...

Do Pulp Fiction next.