7'6", "weighs as much as the earth"
2 National Championships, 1 Heisman Trophy, 2 Maxwell Awards, 1 Davey O’Brien Award, All-American, Award For Being the Only Dude I’d Go Gay For
“Best Tree That Looks Like Tim Tebow” Award
WINNAR: TEBOW ("Best Tree That Looks Like Tim Tebow" isn't even a real award)
3) Mel Kiper Draft Projection
Fourth-round tight end, comparable to Frank Wycheck
First round quarterback, has ideal size and pocket presence, comparable to Drew Bledsoe
Most would say “God,” but being that Tebow is God, one could argue that Tebow, ergo, is self-created.
That dude with the hat.
Accurate passer and powerful rusher, often called the top dual-threat player in the country.
Provides shade, useful in games of Hide and Go Seek
Dudes who run 4.2 40s, Riley Cooper, God, Filipino boys with infected foreskins, Big Titted Coeds
Hat dude, palm trees, Ballyhoo Grill patrons
WINNAR: TEBOW (though the potato skins at Ballyhoo are like Spanish Fly, they bring the bitches)
7) Circumcision skill
WINNAR: TEBOW (Penis splinters = OUCH)
None – all who have attempted to defeat Tebow have been left lying and helpless in his wake.
9) Moh’s Scale of Hardness Rating
2: Gypsum (due to fleshy outercovering)
WINNAR: TREEBOW (Tebow is a badass, but oak is oak)
10) Embarrassing weakness
Friendship with Kenny Chesney
Ugly orange shoes
WINNAR: TREEBOW (nobody should EVER be friends with Kenny Chesney)
Overall WINNAR: Tebow 6-4, despite a late push from Treebow. Nothing was, is or will ever be mas awesome-o than Tebow, not even a giant oak statue bearing his likeness.