Monday, January 12, 2009

Red Sox Off-Season Mad Libs

Red Sox Announce Signing of _______________(oft-injured baseball player)

The Boston Red Sox today announced that they have signed ____________(oft-injured baseball player) to a ____(number less than two)-year incentive-laden deal worth approximately ______(number less than one million) dollars. ____________(oft-injured ballplayer) will have the chance to earn up to ____(number between 5 and 10) million dollars if he reaches all of the incentives stipulated in the contract.

__________(oft-injured baseball player) spent the last ______(number less than four) seasons with the ______________(baseball team). In 2008, he only played in ______(number less than 40) games, missing significant time with a _________(body part) injury. He also missed the entire ______(year during Bush's second term) season with a ________(different body part) injury. His last full season was _______(year during Bush's first term), where he finished _______(ordinal number less than 5) in the ____________(major baseball award) voting.

The Red Sox went after _____________(oft-injured baseball player) after they lost out on _______________(big-name baseball player), who ended up signing with ________________(baseball team that plays its home games in the Bronx). Expect _____________(oft-injured baseball player) to be used as insurance for ________________(other recently acquired oft-injured baseball player), and he may also platoon with _____________(a third recently acquired oft-injured baseball player). "We're excited about ______________(oft-injured baseball player)," said GM Theo Epstien. "Anytime you can bring on a guy as ___________(intangible ending in Y) as he is, you know you have the chance to make your team ____________(adjective)." Epstein was also asked about _____________(oft-injured baseball player)'s injury history. "Well, that is obviously something we were very ___________(verb, past tense) with, but we looked at the scans of his ____________(body part), and we were very satisfied with the results."

The signing is yet another in the Red Sox off-season moves of low-risk and high-___________(noun). So far, the Sox have been able to add several arms to their bullpen and also bolstered their bench, while only spending _______________(amount of money you would expect to find in John Henry's couch cushions). So far, the Sox have lowered their payroll considerably, but you could still see them make a move at another free-agent, possibly _______________(another oft-injured baseball player). The Sox could end up offering as much as ________________(amount of money you would expect to find in the ash tray of John Henry's car) for his services. All of these moves clearly give Boston a ____________(adjective) chance to win the AL East this year.


GHABB,Y~! said...

If this leads to a Jim Abbott signing, then I'm all for it. Besides, "replica Jim Abbott arm nubs" would be like a license to print money.

Boatdrinks said...

Smarty, so right....

dubbschism said...

nipple clamps.