Friday, January 9, 2009

The next caller on WEEI is...

Yeah hi, this is Richie from Dorchester. I wanted to come over to this here blog thing and talk about how to improve the sports team in Boston. Ya see, it's pretty iconic that I am one of these blogs because I listen to WEEI all day, and all day long I listen to wicked smart individuals like the Big O and Dennis and Callahan. Theys tell me that blogs are for losers, who live in their parents basement, and that bloggers are not as qualified to talk about sports as they are. But after recently supporting Barack Obama's economic plan on the air, well the producers of the show have banned me from calling back. So here I am!

I am still pretty bummed the Red Sox lost to the Rays last year, and the worst part is Theo isn't doing anything about it!Look I called into "Planet Mikey" last week and gave him this solution. Right now we are looking at a 4th place team, because the Blue Jays are going to only get better. Ok, so we didn't get Tex-um-Texa-um-Teshera, but who cares he's going to be the next Carl Pavano , an over priced stiff. And the Yanks got that fat whale CC, and the guy that throws a 100 mph, but who cares? Theo needs to be creative, first of all he needs to get more power into the lineup. Here is what you do: take Youkilis put him in right field, bench JD Drew because he is a bum, and put Lowrie at 3rd. THEN, you trade Charlie Zink, Tim Wakefield, Dusty Brown and Chris Carter to the Marlins for Hanley Ramirez. Oh and they can have Julio Lugo to play SS, and we will pay half his salary. There it is, right there, and the Marlins would say yes; because they get two cheap pitchers and a catcher who can catch the knuckleballer. And if they say no, we throw in a Gil Valezquez as well. The other problem we have is with our catcher, so what we should do is trade Jason Varitek and a future draft pick to the Twins for Joe Mauer. The Twins really like prospects and they need some veteran leadership so this is a win-win for them. And there you have it, the Sawx are fixed for next year.

Ok the Patriots, we didn't make the playoffs this year, and there is a reason for all this. Tom Brady got hurt. Next year we are going to have two QB's on the roster and we need to figure out what to do with one of them. Yeah I know Pete Sheppard and Fred Smerlas are going to kill me with what I am going to say. Tommy you got us three Super Bowls, and we won alot of games in 2007, but Tom you are getting old. And that injury of yours, well you aint gonna be no spring chicken when you return. So here is what I would do, trade Tom Brady, take whatever offer you can get and move him. Look, Matty Cassel is the future of this franchise, and Brady is old, time to move on from him. I don't think he likes it here anyways. I'm thinking a team will give up a 1st and 2nd round draft pick for him, but we need to be greedier. Let's ask for it all, we want a teams entire draft, hey the Dolphins did it for Ricky Williams. Then we take those draft picks and get the best RB out there, I don't know any because I don't waste my time watching college football, and maybe like 3 new Linebackers to go with Jerod Mayo. Then in this off season, we need to go out and sign Chad Johnson and Terrell Owens, maybe to short term deals with big signing bonuses, to give Cassel his weapons. 16-0 again baby!

I am starting to get worried about the Celtics because well they have played lousy this year. I know 19 games in a row, blah blah blah, but you know who I blame for the recent struggles? Doc Rivers. I know, he won a NBA Championship last year, but that was all because of the talent he had on the court. Hell, if you allowed me to coach Garnett, Allen and Pierce I could win a championship. Hell even Ordway agreed with me! Look at when Rivers he had young guys, the team stunk. He's not a very good coach, because he is missing the key to fixing the team. He needs to play Sam Cassell. The team isn't scoring enough points, and well Cassell is an offensive weapon that needs to be utilize. Take minutes away from House and even Rondo, and watch the difference. Plus he has good chemistry with Garnett so that will have to be an improvement. There you go, problem solved, see I told you I could coach the Celtics better than Rivers.

Well anyways thanks for letting me onto this here site. I am glad I can share my expertise on Boston sports, because well I know alot from listening to WEEI. But for all you readers out there that spend hours scrolling through this site, fuck these Mass Hysteria guys. Jesus its in their slogan "WEEI IS BOSTON'S SPORTS LEADER". Dale Arnold is twice the hockey guy as Raquel, Mikey Adams wipes the floor with PimpNamedDaveR, John Metaparel knows more about college sports than GHABBY and SmartyBarrett combined, and the Ordway is far superior to this HZMLS character. Well, I've gotta spend the rest of my day trying to figure out a catchy jingle to throw on the whiner line. I really want that hundred dollar gift certificate to Grossman Bargain Outlet. See ya later, and GO SAWX!!!!!


GHABB,Y~! said...

His face says no, but his nipples say yes.

HZMLS said...

I must be some sort of jinx. Charlie Zink got DFA'd yesterday