Thursday, January 29, 2009

The Neverending Manny Saga

There is nothing more rewarding than watching Manny beg for a contract this off season. At the beginning of the offseason there was talk that he was going to be looking for a 4 year deal somewhere in the 100 million dollar range, and well he was way off. It is really refreshing that teams are computing "selfish dickhead" into their final analysis of Manny's true worth. Boras and Manny both completely misread the market, getting nothing more than a few "feeler offers":

Yankees- 1 Year Deal, with incentives based on creating new Section 8 projects in Washington Heights to compete with Mo Vaughn's apartments. Girardi has been actively campaigning to have him on the team because he desperately needs an antagonist in his future tell-all book "Mediocre Baseball"

Mets- 2 Year Deal, that requires Manny to only show up April-July since none of the other Mets show up in August or September either.

Red Sox- Sent Manny a smallpox infected blanket, which now is on his master bed.

Giants- A blank check to do whatever he wants, since Joseph Stalin could walk through that door and not be as much of a distraction as the slugger that preceded Manny.

Dodgers- Even though Manny saved the season by himself last year, the Dodgers are sticking with their original offer of 14 mil a season, since they decided to shit away the rest of the money needed to secure him by signing Rafael Furcal.

And I kid you not, the Worcester Tornadoes offered Manny a contract this week for 250,000 a year, which is around what the Red Sox are paying Jed Lowrie this season. It's real cute when a minor league team tries for publicity stunts like this, while their at it, why don't they offer Adam Dunn a spanking new donkey, and David Wells a lifetime supply of burritos at Qdoba. But hey, this stunt got their name out on a world class blog like Mass Hysteria. Yet there is a certain player who if he doesn't retire could be a real find for a team like Worcester...He likes to hunt, has the reflexes of a cheetah, and could kill you before you bat an eye, and deserves to play in the minors. OH NO!!!


stanley cup of chowder said...

It was actually a 2-year $24,000 deal ($12,000 per). The salary cap for an entire team in that league is somewhere in the neighborhood of $100,000.

It's still a lame publicity stunt.

Cornelius Hardenbergh said...

You mean hilarious publicity stunt.

Scott Phillips said...

I dunno, Stalin could put up big numbers. He did awesome at cleanup for the Soviets... (man that was in poor taste)

Bottom Line Rob said...

I thought it was a cleve move... the funny part is that $24K may be the best deal he gets this offseason...

I have to assume he's refusing to take a 1-year deal, because he proved he can still hit with that insane 2nd half in 2008.

Oh well - F Manny.