Tuesday, January 20, 2009
at 5:35 PM Posted by BCHysteria
If you haven't already heard the brain dead, hillbilly awesomest closer signed a 6.25 mill, 1-year deal today to avoid arbitration. This is the largest contract for a first year arbitration eligible closer, topping previous contracts to lardass Bobby Jenks and Canadian Shitbag Eric Gag-me. That is a whole lot of dough for someone who lived in Mississippi for most of his life, and probably spent most of that time trapping beaver and skinning their carcasses by a charcoal fueled lamp. I would make fun of Papelbon more but I am afraid that he will kill me with his retard strength. So here's to the best and most dominating closer in baseball in 2009. (Yes Yankee fans, he has finally surpassed your lord god Mariano Rivera, and shut up I don't want to hear it).