Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Breakfast with the Hysterics


Dan Shaughnessy is a grade A, helmet wearing, drooling on his shirt moron. When I first read this article on Boston.com, I was aching to write a EABOD to the Curly Haired Douchebag. But instead here it is. As you have probably seen on TMZ, Boston.com, Bostonherald.com, ESPN, Deadspin and well every fucking media outlet, Brady was spotted with Gisele in Mexico, being romantic! Oh the horror. The writers are insinuating that Brady's career is over, and has jumped the shark, and that he likes to swim with his gf he is somehow less of a man. Give-me-a-fucking-break. Shaughnessy claims that the QB has gone soft, for showing affection towards his Brazilian model gf, and for BEING FED BY HER. Who the fuck cares? Isn't it the dream of every man to be in a tropical location being hand fed by a model? What should he be doing? Going out to strip clubs getting blown by strippers in the back room, snorting coke off her ass? Would that make Brady more of a man?

Who the fuck cares what Brady is doing. The pictures show Brady still looking in good shape, so what he does on his free time shouldn't effect us in the least. If this was me, I would be doing the exact same thing as Brady, but I would be probably aiming my lust at Kristen Bell at some secluded 5 star hotel in Hawaii. Its pretty obvious Shaughnessy is jealous of Brady, a common theme for the cranky writer and Boston athletes. Shaughnessy probably has to go home to an annoying wife, who makes him clean the bathroom and shop with her at Home Depot for shower curtains on the weekends. Danny boy has probably never been with a girl that is hotter than a 6, let alone getting in the panties of a girl like Gisele, and he probably is masturbating furiously to those pictures from Mexico. Tommy has some grade A poon, and it seems like every media outlet in America is jealous.


Sorry ranted for a bit, its snowing in Boston again. In other news Brady is scheduled to be ready for the Opening of the 2009 season, which raises the question. What the hell are they going to do with Matt Cassel?

4 comments:

A Pimp Named DaveR said...

I think someone's satire detector is broken this morning.....

HZMLS said...

Fine then, replace Shaughnessy with any WEEI personality and the story still works.

The A-Train said...

The Bills will probably trade their first and third round draft picks to him, award him a massive contract and become mired in a QB controversy when he becomes injured and Trent Edwards Just Wins Games despite not putting up gaudy numbers.

After a few up-and-down seasons, Cassel will leave to swim in a giant pool of Ralph Wilson's money, pausing to call Rob Johnson and laugh about the whole thing.

As for me? I'll probably pass the time by chewing on the end of a shotgun barrel.

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