Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Breakfast with the Hysterics

What happened in the world of Boston sports last night? Hmmm. NOTHING. Bruins had the night off, the Celtics didn't play. More boring talk about our washed up captain catcher, oh will he take the contract or not? But hey you can listen to non stop Super Bowl drivel on any of your favorite sports TV shows. What is going on with Anquan Boldin? Who is a better young coach Ken Whisenhunt or Mike Tomlin? What does Bob Knight think about the Super Bowl matchup (no seriously, he was on Sportscenter talking about this). I love Super Bowl time though, it is seriously the best time of the year that you can combine three of the worlds vices in one event. Binge Eating, Heavy Drinking, and Compulsive Gambling.

Buffalo Wings are the food of the gods, well if God was an overweight diabetic who lives in a trailor and beats his wife. I want the buffalo wings to be overcooked and crispy, and hot as balls. Seriously I want the wings to assault my entire digestive track, and fuck blue cheese that only pacifies the napalm that accompanies Frank's Hot Sauce. Another must is nacho chips and a good salsa. None of that Chichi's or Ortega shit that is all juice and no substance. You've gotta go with my favorite Gringo's salsa, and again get the Hot stuff. You won't regret it, but if anyone shares a bed with you they will. Finally add a good guacamola dip and you are good to go.

Drinking during the Super Bowl is a time honored tradition that takes much preparation and thought beforehand. It is an unwritten rule that you have to drink beer during the Super Bowl. If you drink wine, mixed drinks or cider you deserve to be kicked in the dick (well unless you are missing a pancreas). The pace you drink is also important, you want to keep a steady flow going through the entire game, because it will help you get through the long commercial breaks, and painfully bad half time show. But don't drink too fast, or you will get fucked up and miss the entire game, and probably work in the morning. May I recommend some shitty light beers that you wouldn't drink otherwise? Coors light? Miller Light?

Finally, gambling, ah the vacuum that steals our money. Nothing is a bigger waste of money then gambling, but yet again we do it every year. Now some of you are good with this and avoid the temptation to try and win, and to you I say fuck you and your self control. Me on the other hand, dropped money on the Pats last year, and blew 40 bucks on squares only to lose on both, have my fiance hit the squares twice and not share any of the winnings with me (even though I paid for her squares). Note that gambling is usually tied in directly with the drinking, if the team you threw money on is losing, the alcohol consumption markedly increases. Just something to consider.

Question for the Hysterics: What are your Super Bowl Plans?


GHABB,Y~! said...

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Cider is a man's drink.

Rocco said...

Please, for the love of god and all that is holy, they are just chicken wings, or simply wings. Buffalo wings is redundant. And of course they have to be crispy. But also saucey. It's a fine line my friends. And Frank's is the only way to go. Anchor Bar sells their sauce and it sucks balls. Don't bother going there if you're ever here.

I'll be partying at my house. Game on the 47" LCD, Madden all day on a 2nd tv, maybe some NHL '95 mixed in there. Lots of beer and a sheet pizza or two from Bella (best pizza in town). There'll even be girls there!