Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Breakfast with the Hysterics



So let me set the record straight: I hate dirty, smelly Canucks. Fuck Canada in the face with a lead pipe, seriously. Thanks for being useless at everything. Except for strip clubs that I could get into when I was 18 and Sarah Chalke, you have provided me with nothing. There is very little reason to even set foot in your lame country, and when I do, nothing good happens. One time I almost got mugged/gang-raped by a bunch of pussy-ass weak-moustached French-speaking motorcycle gang clowns at a gas station. To make matters worse, the damn clerk wouldn't take my American money. So the Celtics beating down the Raptors on consecutive nights felt pretty damn good, but goddamn beating those fruity Canadians last night felt even better. I got a boner so big I hung an American flag from it.

Yes sir, the Bruins beat Montreal last night 3-1, led by Zdeno "Stilts" Chara and his 6'9" frame. The dude was all over the place, scoring two goals, dominating on defense, and knocking Canadian clowns into next week. This game had it all, including but not limited to a Tim Thomas roughing penalty, which was fucking AWESOME. Almost as awesome as this:



OK, I know Sarah Palin isn't Canadian, but close enough. She has the damn accent for chrissakes.

5 comments:

Cornelius Hardenbergh said...

Tim Thomas is fifteen goddamn feet tall.

Raquel said...

YAY I MADE YOU LIKE HOCKEY

Rocco said...

Canada is awesome.

GHABB,Y~! said...

Interesting useless factoid that I know, but probably shouldn't: the guy who plays Terry Tate Office Linebacker actually started as a pro wrestler, wrestling as "Rasta the Voodoo Man" in the Global Wrestling Federation of the early '90s.

HZMLS said...

Can Terry Tate join the cast of The Office and spear Jim and Pam through a pane of glass?