Thursday, January 8, 2009

Boston (Kinda) Sports Tonight

My MS Paint skills bring all the boys to the yard.

*Okay, first and foremost, since this is a Boston site and all, I should mention that the Bruins are playing the Senators tonight at 7. The B's are looking to stop their first two-game losing streak of the season, and the Sens suck immensely, so expect Tim Thomas and the Funky Bunch to run roughshod over Otterwah. The B's are probably pissed about losing to the Wild 1-0 on Tuesday, especially since "Wild" isn't even plural or a proper team name. Your Hometown Bruins beat the Sens 4-2 in October, and I see no reason that a similar finish would not occur tonight.

*After treating the ol' lady to a nice pre-victory sushi dinner and buying the requisite bottle of Andre, the GHABB,Y Palace of Wisdom will be fully tuned in to tonight's Main Event, the BCS Championship, starting at 8pm on FOX. For those living under a rock the last month (or those that really just don't give a shit about college football, whom I pity greatly), it will pit the Oklahoma Sooners (booooooooo) against the Florida Gators (yayyyyyyyy) to determine the (very arguable) national champion of college football. Despite urgings from my fellow editors, I will not be drunk liveblogging tonight's game or holding a chat, mostly because, in a game of such magnitude, I would get so emotional that a laptop computer placed in front of me would probably be smashed to bits for such minor infractions as "being forced to punt on fourth down" or "Sam Bradford not being literally decapitated on a sack." Simply put, this is why I can't have nice things.

However, I will promise a post-game reactionary liveblog, either to update all of you that a) the Andre tastes especially sweet when mixed with tears of joy or b) I'm still alive and the police are on their way to prevent me from causing any permanent harm to myself or others.

If you're looking for an unbiased prediction, you won't find it here. I cannot possibly imagine a scenario in which the Gators do not win by a wide margin tonight, though I also realize that I am completley and utterly colored by orange-and-blue glasses in that assumption. And it's not just my conscious mind that predicts a Gator blowout; I was literally woken out of a sound sleep two nights ago after having a dream that the Gators won the national championship, causing me to weep uncontrollably and blow off a congratulatory phone call from Snoop Dogg (I don't know why he showed up in my dream either). He asked me "what's crack-a-lackin," and I told him I was busy celebrating the Gators.

Seriously though, I could not be more excited about tonight's game. I have cried tears of joy twice in my life - January 2, 1997 and January 8, 2007 - the two nights the Gators won national championships. Tonight could (and hopefully will) be the third such instance. I've never had kids and I've never been married, so I can safely say that those two Championship nights were the happiest moments of my relatively young life. To have three such moments in one lifetime...well, that's the stuff worthy of blowing Snoop off for.

Go Gators.

8 comments:

nfsffw said...

Just saw the Tebow segment on ESPN Gameday, chills. I have absolutely no connection to UF and am not even a big SEC fan, but I can't remember the last time I so enjoyed watching a college football player. Nice to know I can still get a decent mancrush even at my advanced age.

Later, Gator.

nfsffw said...

Been singing this all afternoon, neighbors haven't even called the cops yet!

"Tebow Merica Fuck Yeah
Coming your way to save the motherfuckin day yeah
Tebow Merica Fuck Yeah
So lick my but and
Suck on my balls"

Fuckin A, Percy.
Fuck Yeah.

nfsffw said...

Er, butt...

/fingers faster than brain

Interesting, a review of an incomplete pass.

Hazel Maes Landing Strip said...

So it looks like the shootout isn't going to happen

Anonymous said...

Tebowner - T-Blows tonight.. this game is zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

nfsffw said...

Yeah, holding a team that's run up the score all year to 14 really sucks. Go see if you can borrow a bag of dicks from a Sooner fan until payday.

Anonymous said...

Tim Tebow - starting fullback for the Detroit Lions!

HZMLS said...

Ben keep on practicing with MSPaint, after two more attempts you will be better than me.