Monday, January 12, 2009

As the Coaching Carousel Turns...

It's mid-January, which means that, rather than pay attention to the actual good teams that are playing their way towards the Super Bowl, the media (coughESPNcough) is focusing instead on which shitty teams are hiring shitty coaches that will invariably be fired within the next two years, only to begin the cycle anew, like a butterfly of shittiness. In the most recent "HAY GUYZ COOCHES GOT HIRRD AND STUFF" news...

*According to FoxSports' Jay Glazer (who may actually cause Chris Mortensen to commit seppuku if he scoops ESPN on another story), Colts coach Tony Dungy is about to step down. Dungy really didn't have anything else to prove on the NFL level, and I can see why he'd want to leave after having to deal with Peyton Manning audibling every goddamned offensive play for the last ten years. And before you say claim racism forcing Dungy out of his position, note that he's being replaced by Jim Caldwell, who happens to be African-American, so hooray for the progressive state of Indiana.

*The Broncos have hired former Patriots offensive coordinator Josh McDaniels as their head coach. Look, I get that McDaniels is seen as some sort of offensive wunderkind and helped nurture Matt Cassel this year and schemed a record-setting offense last year, but this is one of the worst places he could possibly land. First off, the Broncos don't need an offensive guy as their coach, as they coughed up the AFC West this year because their defense couldn't stop a quadriplegic four year old on a tricycle, not because they lacked an innovative passing scheme. Moreover, I thought that part of the lure of McDaniels was that he'd be coming in a package deal with Cassel (provided the Pats don't franchise him). Now Young Boy Josh (dude's 32 for chrissakes, or ten years younger than Jeff Feagles), who has had ZERO head coaching experience, will have to break in all of Shanahan's players and learn how to give Jay Cutler insulin shots. Pinch then inject Josh, pinch then inject.

*Former Browns head coach and Pats defensive coordinator Romeo Crennel may be staying in Cleveland as the new DC under new head coach Eric Mangini. Yeah, because that's not emasculating or anything. "Hey Eric, good luck cleaning up the giant mess I made of this team. By the way, I think I left a pen in my old office, which is now your office. You mind if I stop by and check under your desk, which used to be my desk, for it? If you need me, I'll be in my much smaller office doing half the job I used to do at a fraction of the salary. And those sounds you hear coming through the walls that sound like a grown man crying, they're, um, just the heating system, gets pretty loud in the winter."

*Herm Edwards is still employed as a head coach in the National Football League. Let me repeat that, for it bears repeating: Herm Edwards, who has gone 6-26 in his last two years and 2-14 last year, is still seen as competent enough to have another go as the Chiefs' head coach for 2009. Good thing the fine people of Kansas City have the Roya...wait, nevermind, they should probably just take a bath with the toaster and get it over with.

1 comment:

Boatdrinks said...

Herm is so totally the recipient of the NO COAST bias / luck. Because he lives in the middle of the country, and noone cares in that time zone about anything outside Chicago or Dallas, he skates and skates and skates.