Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Seau Returns, Still Wants Kids off His Lawn


NFL Elderman Junior Seau defied all odds when he returned to the field to play linebacker for the New England Patriots this weekend in Seattle. This was a remarkable achievement in the storied career of Seau, who in the past had stints with the San Diego Chargers, Miami Dolphins and the Patriots. What makes this achievement so special was that for the previous 12 weeks Seau had been secluded in the Happy Acres Retirement Community in California, where he was free to play bridge, Bingo and do sing-a-longs with the staff. Seau though became increasingly irrate at all the young hooligans and rapscallions who were riding their skateboards and bikes on the sidewalks, and the hoodlums that play their music too loud. To get rid of his constant griping and complaining the staff recommended he return to football, which Seau eagerly agreed to. "I was really excited to return to the Boston Patriots. Coach Belichick was more then accommodating, he had Dean Pees mash up my corn just the way I like and he even remembered my size of Depends!" Seau was forced into the game early after an injury to fellow future AARP member Tedy Bruschi. On two seperate plays Seau was forced to chase Deion Branch and John Carlson around the field, leaving the elderly linebacker frustrated and in need of his Matlock. The future is unclear for the oldest player on the team, mostly because senility has kicked in.

2 comments:

SmartyBarrett said...

This was a remarkable achievement in the storied career of Seau

Storied is an anagram of steroid...

Just sayin'

Pepster said...

Damn Smarty Barrett - beat me to the punch. I just actually read the post as "in the steroid career of Seau"