Monday, December 8, 2008

Our Football Editor is Insane: Patriots v. Seahawks

It isn't much of a secret that HazelMaesLandingstrip has been all over the place with his predictions about the Patriots. After the injury to Tom Brady he proclaimed the Patriots were doomed, that Matt Cassel would fail this team, and he began counting the days until the 2009 season started. Recently he has been more level headed, he has realized the potential of the Pats, along with their strengths and weaknesses. In an act that would make Sigmund Freud proud, the editors of Mass Hysteria Sports have temporarily split our football editor's psyche into two segments in order to discuss yesterday's game.

Mass Hysteria Proudly Presents:
Hazel Maes Landing Strip vs Heidi Watney's Virginal Good Looks

Yesterday, the Patriots came from behind to beat the Seattle Seahawks at Qwest Stadium. What are your thoughts on the win ?

HMLS: Ready for the Playoff Ship to take a gigantic nosedive into the Atlantic? This win was pathetic, we nearly lost to the then 2-10 Seattle Seahawks. How the hell did our defense allow Seneca Wallace to look like Tim Tebow out there? And thanks secondary for reviving the very dead Deion Branch, I appreciate watching him catch more balls in one game than he has in two years. If we can barely beat teams like the Seahawks, and I assume(????) the Raiders, how the hell are we going to beat a team like the Cardinals whose Bible Thumping QB will shred Deltha O'Neal and Co? GAH.

HWVGL: Look, I understand this was not one of the prettiest wins in the world. But I know someone famous once said "A win is a win", could have been Vince Lombardi, could have been Dennis Green I don't know. It's important to not get stuck on how much we won by, but the character of the team that could come back and win a game, on the road. The Patriots looked good in the second half, Cassel made no mistakes and except for one drive the defense woke up. After getting our ass handed to us on a black and yellow platter last week, I will take a win in any form.

Who is your game MVP??

HZMLS: I am going to go with Randy Cross on this one. For the whole fucking game I had to listen to him analyze the game with buzz words like "Consistency" "energy" and "guts". It really takes a lot for me to get taken out of a game by the announcer but Cross did it. I hate to be the guy who complains about announcers, and I usually can handle alot, hell I could handle Paul Maguire dressed like a pirate during the ACC Championship. Being the irate part of Hazelmaeslandingstrip's psyche, I fucking hated listening to him and my new life goal is to create a TV that will allow you to mute the announcer, color guy, or Tony Siragusa on the sidelines so that we can just listen to the noise of the game.

HWVGL Wes Welker. This was an easy pic for me, he had 12 catches for 134 yards and every catch seemed to be more important than the last. Everytime Cassel needed a go to guy Welker was there, whether it was 3rd and 3 or on a 2 point conversion. As SmartyBarrett called him, he has become "The David Eckstein of Football", basically meaning gritty, gutsy and a white guy that the announcers can all get hard off of. Obviously he is a much better player then D.E., but Welker definitely deserves the game ball.

What is your favorite kind of alcohol?

HWVGL: I really like SeaDawg Blueberry beer. Its a mixture of two of my favorite things beer and fruit. It's a refreshing brew that really hits the spot, whether its a night out with my girl or watching a football game.

HZMLS: Of course you would like a blueberry based beer, you fruit. Me? I go for Jack Daniels straight or on the rocks, maybe even some Knob Creek if you've got it. No mixer or chaser for me, just hit that shit straight. Nothing knocks me into oblivion faster then some straight whiskey. I want something to destroy my liver as much as it kills my inhibitions.

Given what you saw this week, and the Jet's loss to the 49ers, what do you think of the Patriots odds of making the playoffs?

HZMLS: 10%. They are still on the outside looking in right now, and with a tough game against the Cardinals their path is certainly the toughest. Do I think they could make the playoffs? Absolutely? But will they. Hell2danaw. Plus I look at that last game against Buffalo and see trap game written all over, cold game in Buffalo, I still think the Jets will make the playoffs? BOOOOO....Yeah whatever deal with it.

HWVGL: 100%. Look I think the Patriots have the easiest schedule going into the final three games, and the Jets are completely falling apart. True the Patriots defense isn't going to win them a Super Bowl but have you watched the Jets lately? Yesterday Shaun Hill scorched them up and down the field, and that was WITHOUT Frank Gore for most of the game. Favre is going to return to gunslinger mode and make crucial mistakes and I think the Pats are going to at least get a Wild Card.

Finally, looking ahead what are you thoughts of the matchup against the Oakland Raiders?

The Raiders are a marginally better version of the Detroit Lions. Meaning they completely suck. Their QB is horrendous, whether it be JaMarcus Russell or Andrew Walter. They have 0 offensive weapons, with Darren McFadden playing injured for most of the season, and their defense is eh. Their is no way this game is going to even be close, the Patriots are going romp all over them, and rack up enough points by half time to win this one.

HZMLS: I have to agree with my pussier counterpart, the Raiders do suck. But heed my warning, if the Patriot's defense plays like complete shit and get no pressure on the Raiders offense, they could stay in this game. Justin Fargas can be explosive against teams that don't take him out of the game, and with the vanilla defenses Belichick and company have been lining up, this might be one of those game. I don't know how much longer I can watch this slow defense get burned game in and game out. If the Raiders do win, you can all rest assure that I will be drinking a bottle of Draino after the game.


futuremrsrickankiel said...

Me? I go for Jack Daniels straight or on the rocks, maybe even some Knob Creek if you've got it. No mixer or chaser for me, just hit that shit straight. Nothing knocks me into oblivion faster then some straight whiskey. I want something to destroy my liver as much as it kills my inhibitions.

Why do I feel like I'm being mocked here?

Murph said...

i hate to be serious here but i will for a moment. The Eaglebrook in Norfolk, Ma has great Blueberry Beer.

/dick joke