Tuesday, December 30, 2008

One final 2008 Pats game recap...wipes tears.

Let's just preface this entire post by warning you that I in no way laugh at the disabled, or make fun of those different than me. I am a compassionate human being that.....nah fuck it. I am a crude SOB that mocks everything that is even slightly different than me. If you are offended easily, please, please, please do NOT read on.

Sunday as we all know was the final Patriots game of the 2008 season, and possibly the last time Matt Cassel will be wearing a Pats uniform. Because of the implications of a bevy of games SmartyBarrett, FutureMrsHZMLS, Jennycupcakes and myself went to the local watering hole to watch the game. This bar is primo, within walking distance from my apartment they serve copious amounts of booze, greazy food and ugly beer promo girls try to seduce you into drinking their horseshit beer. The best part of this bar is the TV's, each booth has a mini flat screen in it, with the NFL package so you can watch any game you want which is great because the bars other big screens have the Pats on. Oh and for tech heads like SB, they have wireless internet so you can check your fantasy team any time you want. Just because this post is so blatantly offensive, I will change the name of this bar to "Captain Shitheads".

So we grab a booth and saddle in for the Pats game, ordered up myself a Magic Hat #9 and prepared myself for the game. This bar was strange today though, with the exception of FutureMrsHZMLS (Welker) and myself (Moss) every Pats jersey worn at the bar was a Brady #12. I don't know, if a player is gone for the year, it might be a signal to go to Modell's and grab a new Jarod Mayo jersey, I find it hard to get energized wearing a jersey of a guy who can't even walk right now. One particular enigmatic character had a Brady jersey on and boy was he excited for the game. He was about 4'10, had coke bottle rimmed glasses, a completely worn out Brady jersey and jeans that didn't even reach the top of his socks. He immediately caught our attention because in weeks prior I had eaten dinner at the same bar and he walked by our table muttering something to the extent of "Mother fucking snow trucks" or "Grass gobbled ass lovers". There was something obviously different about this guy, and the way he acted at the bar did nothing to ease my curiosity.

Not actual guy from bar, man in picture is far more retarded

Well throughout this whole game this little guy stood near our table and screamed at the TV's alot. He was guzzling O'Douls, which was good, because god knows how real beer would have interacted with his medication. There was something obviously very wrong with him, but what he kept yelling out was what kept me entertained in what was a very slow moving game. After Lamont Jordan scored the first touchdown our dwarfy friend was jumping up and down yelling "THE PATRIOTS ARE THE AFC CHAMMMMPIONS!!!!". "Not yet my friend, we still have a lot of work to do", I thought to myself. As CBS jumped back to James Brown for updates on any game the guy would yell out for whomever had scored. "THE BEARS ARE GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL!", or the wildly inaccurate "THE RAIDERS ARE GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL!!!" . The game was pretty slow, but the Patriots dominated from beginning to end, much to the excitement of the slow Brady fan.

We all left Captain Shitheads after the 1 oclock game, mainly because I had to drive and if I had another beer that would not be a possibility. The Patriots defense had done its job again, limiting the Bills to what seemed like 1 first down in the second half. I came back to my apartment and laid in bed and watched Brett Favre lay an epic shit at the Meadowlands, and listened to the Jaguars play Jaguar football on Sirius. After those games were over I felt a little numb, the season was over, we played 11-5 football and still didn't make the playoffs. Matt Cassel played football that no one expected, we had a defense that finally showed up with the arrivals of Rosie Colvin and Old Man Seau, and a running game! But this still was not enough to make the playoffs. Man this sucks, but to keep myself in perspective I thought of my expectations after Brady went down, and how they progressed to my high hopes going into Week 17. "THE PATRIOTS ARE GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL!!!" kept echoing in my head. Not this year my simpleton friend, not this year....

Pictures courtesy of Boston.com


Starting Aces said...

I stick with my Rodney Harrison jersey, in memoriam of all the players whose seasons he would have ended.

Pepster said...

My Devin Hester (away white for the away game, of course), didn't do much help for my Bears, but I just couldn't bring myself to wear the home blue Urlacher for an away game.

Boatdrinks said...

Total threadjack first: I gave my brother-in-law the "Winter 12 pack" from Magic Hat, which he immediately drank two #9's and I SCORED on the Christmas giving! YEA! And I owe it all to HZMLS and others who have mentioned the Magic Hat happiness.
RE: Pats. It so sucked that I could not totally feel happy as Favre laid such a nice turd. It was a conflicted turd, so to speak.

Hazel Maes Landing Strip said...


Favre took said turd and graciously underhanded it to Phillip Merling.

Shaun said...

I wear my Faulk jersey when the Pats are on.

BTW: Some of these word verification things are hilarious....this one was "dordo"

GHABB,Y~! said...

According to that top picture, you're supposed to kick the ball towards O.J. Simpson, because if you don't, he'll just hold you up at gunpoint and steal it from you anyways.

Rocco said...

Wait so the bar is within walking distance but you drove?