Friday, December 19, 2008

Breakfast with the Hysterics



Raquel must have been pretty excited to watch her Bruins score 8 goals against the Toronto Maple Leafs. They had 8 points in a game, which must be some sort of NHL record. David Krejci (who before yesterday I have never heard of before LEARNED MORE ABOUT AFTER RESEARCHING RAQUEL'S POSTS, here, here and here) nailed a hat trick for the Bruins. On the baseball front, shockingly the Red Sox have pulled out of the Mark Texeira sweepstakes. Hysterics get your little note books out and write this down "HZMLS believes John Henry's entire communicado to the media is just a ploy to play hard ball with Boras. Boras plays on the offensive in most of his negotations, and in a brilliant move the Sox turned the tables on him. HZMLS still believes the Sox will sign Texeira". Did you write that down?

My piece of random rubbish for today is the announcement that Burger King is releasing it's own brand of body spray. The spray is called "Flame" and the company describes the product as "the scent of seduction with a hint of flame-broiled meat." So wait, does BK really think that smelling like burgers is attractive to females? Well maybe it is, to morbidly obese middle aged women and canines, but does that really count? I worked at Micky D's when I was in High School, and for years I tried to get the horrid stench of processed meat and greasy french fries. And I never got laid in High School, hell I don't think anyone that works in a fast food joint gets any action. There are still days that I can smell Big Mac special sauce, and I vomit a little in my mouth.

Hold on to everything you hold onto dearly folks, the Boston area is preparing for a massive snowstorm today. We are looking at 6-12 inches (that's what she said), which severely impedes on my "going out and getting loaded" plans for tonight. But for right now, I appear to be the only one alive amongst the editors, mainly because my work was canceled yesterday. So with nothing to do, and with the reality that I am going to get stuck in my apartment for the day, you all are going to get stuck with a unhealthy dosage of HZMLS today. So strap yourself in and prepare for the ride baby, its going to be hella bumpy.

10 comments:

GHABB,Y~! said...

No, my diabeetus was caused by horrible genetics, and furthered by Chinese buffets. I avoid Burger King like the plague, as I'm a Wendy's man.

shaun said...

I'd rather be inside in such a predicted storm anyways. Work is no way as important as your personal safety.


Unless you're a porn star...

Zach Martin said...

Everybody come check out GHABBY over at toptenchicagosports.com

Pepster said...

HMLS - I concur with your Texeira opinion. I assume that the "new offer" that Henry referred to that was way out of the Red Sox's plans was made up by Boras as leverage to get the Sox to fork out more dough. I think the Sox just called his bluff.

The A-Train said...

I'm hoping that Texeira doesn't sign with the Sox. God, if I have to listen to "Maahk Teh-shhhhea-AHHHHH!" for the next 8 years I'll blow my fucking head off.

Raquel said...

I literally cannot believe that you write for the same fucking site as me and have the balls to say you've never heard of David Krejci. Nice to know my fellow editors take the time to read my shit.

Sh!tShow said...

I READ YOUR STUFF SWEETIE!!!!! ALL THE TIME!!!

But then again, I don't post cause I'm terrible.

PS: What's this I hear about snow? I'm flying in Saturday night... is that bad?

Boatdrinks said...

Hey Sh!t, should be long gone by then, but another one coming Sunday...fun!
I am home safely and no f bombs flew from my mouth, I never got stuck behind anyone I could not get around! Yea!
HMLS, I agree. Even before the words flew out of ESPN's mouth, I thought same thing.

Hazel Maes Landing Strip said...

Boatdrinks welcome to the UserName club. No more "Anonymous Has Posted a Comment on..." emails anymore.

Rocco said...

You pansies. 6-12"? Pfft. I don't even bother shoveling only 6-12"