Friday, December 5, 2008

Breakfast with the Hysterics



Guess, who's back. Back again. HZMLSs back, tell a friend.....

So how about that work? I have to list going to professional development among things I hate most about my job. That answers your question "WHERE THE HELL HAS HZMLS been the past few days?" Look I have a masters degree, and read alot, do I really need to be forced feed how to grow professionally? Ok, maybe I do, but will I actually listen at these conferences? Absolutely not, I will just play around with my cell phone, take gratuitous breaks, and mentally undress all the hot girls sitting near me. Still yearly I am forced to go to these "trainings", and come back to a pile of work three times bigger then when I left, woohoo. Don't worry folks, I plan on pushing that work off until next week anyways.

The Patriots have been very busy age-ifying their team this week with players from the past. Earlier this week they brought in Roosevelt (I suck so bad the Texans cut me) Colvin and signed him to replace the injured Pierre Woods and sucktastic Gary Guyton. Now word is spreading from Gilette that the Patriots have been in discussion with archaic surfer dude Junior Seau to come back. Now don't get me wrong, I thought both of these guys were more serviceable then the aforementioned young mistakebags, but really? What's next we going to bring in Bruce Armstrong to try out for the O-Line, and I bet Ben Coates still has better hands then Benjamin Watson. Colvin was one of the first players Belichick opened the Patriots purse strings for, and while decent when healthy, was hurt ALL THE FUCKING TIME. Seau comes from the Ray Lewis school of defense, he is all over the field, makes a few big plays here and there, and yells and screams alot. Yet I still like him and the attitude he brings to the team, and hope he brings the early 90's Kid N Play Haircut and late 1970's porno mustache back to the Patriots.

Seau's hair is more like the black one



Finally in this edition of "Serves You Right Asshole" a Missouri man is lucky to be alive today after being attacked by a deer he had shot. The man Randy Goodman, shot the deer twice, dropping the defenseless animal, but when he approached the deer, HOO---DOGGIE was he in for a surprise. The deer, no longer the pussiest of all animals, rose up and started to attack the man with his horns in what the man says was "15 seconds of hell". Well the injured and stunned douchebag fought the deer off, and as the deer retreated the asshole shot the deer killing it. Wow good for you man, you shot a helpless animal with a high powered rifle and failed to kill it, then as the vastly superior animal took off you shot it. Big man you are, did the deers antlers puncture your labia? Next time out I hope you get mauled by a bear.

8 comments:

Rocco said...

Posing for PETA next?

Mmm, venison jerky, mmm.

futuremrsrickankiel said...

someone... bring... me... bagels... Advil... water... please...

Hazel Maes Landing Strip said...

How about a bottle of Jamison?

futuremrsrickankiel said...

dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Rocco said...

I have Guiness, Jamison, and Bailey's at home. Just saying.

Rocco said...

Threadjack:

http://deadspin.com/5102426/

I assume FMRA already saw this.

/end threadjack

Rocco said...

here

nfsffw said...

Guyton's gonna get more work with Thomas and Woods out, it'll take Junior and Rosie a couple weeks to get into football shape providing neither busts a hip.
The Truly Sucktastic D Guy of the Year Award really needs to go to Deltha O'Neal. He'd have a tough time covering cat shit in a litter box.