Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Boston Sports Tonight: No Natural Hat Tricks Allowed Edition

Bruins @ Capitals, 7:00 pm. The mighty mighty Bruins take on the Twin Alexanders and their cohorts at the Verizon Center in our nation's capital tonight. The Caps are 15-10-3 through 28 -- in other words, underperforming the Habs, Pens, and Flyers -- but currently bask in 3rd place in the Eastern Conference by virtue of leading the hopeless, hapless Southeast Division. (With 33 points, they're currently the ONLY team in the division with a winning percentage above .500; the 2nd-place 'Canes are at an even .500 with 27 points out of 54 possible). Quite frankly, I find Semin to be a tasty little baboushka but I've grown quite weary of hearing how "the Caps are the real deal." No, my friends. No they are not. Accordingly, I sincerely hope that the fearsome Bruins put them in their places tonight. It's worth noting, I suppose, that this is one of the only decent match-ups we'll see this month, so I recommend taking the time to watch.

Also, as long as I've got your attention: Matt Cassel is currently on personal leave following his father's death on Monday night. Thoughts and prayers, Matty.

Where was I? Oh, right. The breathtakingly overrated Capitals. Like the Bruins, the Caps are an impressive 10-1-1 at home, but this does not scare me (although the memory of this still haunts me). This is a Caps team that, in its last 5 games, has posted losses to the Hurricanes, the Panthers, and the freaking Blue Jackets (a 3-0 shutout performance by barely-pubescent heartthrob Steve Mason... the second shutout of his short but impressive career thus far, by the way). So, yeah.

Frivolous Wager of the Night: It's a 100,000:1 shot that if my puck-chucking Caps crush goes scoreless tonight, we'll be treated to "Semin Impotent" or perhaps even (pending some spot-on defensive coverage) "Semin Swallowed" as our headline tomorrow on Still, a gal can hope, can't she?

Serious Prediction of the Night: Eep. One thing these Caps have going for them is a .571 win percentage when trailing after the first period. If the Bruins can put up a strong second period performance, they'll take this one.


A Pimp Named DaveR said...

Or, if the Caps win:

"Too Much Semin: B's Choke"

Grimey said...

Quite frankly, I find Semin to be a tasty

(muffled laughter)

Hazel Maes Landing Strip said...

Is Stefan Cuntington still playing?

Mathemagician said...

"Facial: Semin All Over Bruins"

Raquel said...

Too bad he only had the assist on that final goal; otherwise, it could have been, "Bruins Game Ends With Semin Shot."

Fucking Caps. I had a sinking feeling about this one when I looked at their home record.

They're still overrated as hell and will absolutely fail once again to make it past the first round of the playoffs. BUH BYE.

nfsffw said...

The 2 Alexanders are great players, but the caps don't have too much else.
I've been following Semin since he came into the league, guy has a money shot and can be a load for opposing defenses. He's especially hard to contain in sticky situations, and his rocket wrister often leaves a backup goalie with a mess to mop up.

I nicknamed him Spooge two years ago.