Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Your Mid-Week Bruins Roundup: Live Under the Influence Edition!

As I'm sure you're all aware by now, yes, Question 2 passed by a stunning 30% margin in the state of Massachusetts last night. This means that possession of an ounce or less of marijuana (i.e. possession without clear intent to sell) is now no longer a criminal offense, but is rather a civil offense that carries a fine.


I'm thrilled by this victory not only because it means that my bedroom is no longer a crime scene (or my porch... or my car... or my basement...), but because I consider it a victory for level-headed thinking over hysteria and wasted resources. Pot is fun, it's tasty, it's not addictive, it doesn't give you cancer, it doesn't leave you with a hangover the next day, and it makes Doritos taste un-fucking-believable. Truly, I was on OxyContin for 3 weeks following some really painful throat surgery about a year and a half ago, and the notion that that shit is legal while pot isn't is straight-up ridiculous. I couldn't feel my face on Oxy and it made me vomit when I tried to walk around on it. Pot, by contrast, just makes Metalocalypse reeeeeeeally funny. I'm a) employed, b) not fat, and c) very busy with many productive and life-enriching activities. Despite the fact that I do, in fact, spark the ganj on occasion. I LEARNED IT FROM YOU, MOM AND DAD. I LEARNED IT FROM YOU.

So hooray for the reefer, boys and girls. The most awesome thing about this? Idiot employers will no longer be able to deny disadvantaged 20-somethings jobs because they've got one hit on their CORI from getting busted with pot when they were 18. People's lives will actually be better for this law having passed. Plus, they'll be high.

On to [burble burble burble] the... the... the Bruins, maaaaaaan.

Following a close loss to Calgary and a sit-down-suckers 5-1 victory over Dallas, your Bruins are now 6-3-3 as we enter the second glorious month of NHL hockey. We're still dragging behind Buffalo and Montreal, who have 8 wins apiece, but just 3 losses in 12 games is a promising month overall. We've got 7 at home in November, so here's to some more wins down the line.

The Good: Tim. Motherfucking. Thomas. The week after notching back-to-back shutouts, Thomas had 35 maternal-relations-having saves in the B's win over Dallas. His .944 save percentage is #1 in the league -- yes, above both Ryan Miller AND Carey Price -- and he's averaging 31.5 saves per game with just 1.83 GAA. That's right: a 34-year-old former 9th-round pick who does yoga. The best. In the league. Hats off to ye, Tim Thomas. I will smoke the Celebratory Bowl in your honor. (Incidentally, while we're speaking of amazing goalies, best wishes to Marty Brodeur.)

The Bad: We knew coming into this season that winning past regulation, especially in a shootout, is tough for these Bruins. As it turns out, we struggle in close games, too. We've only won 4 of 9 one-goal games, with 2 losses. Last week's loss to Calgary is perfectly indicative of how these losses have gone: the Bruins play half a period of shitty hockey (on Thursday, it was the second half of the 2nd period) that allows their opponents to gain an advantage and the Bruins drop a close game despite having played very effectively overall. I hate to be all "blah blah we're better than our record," so I won't. That's not the point, anyway... the point is that we'll have to get better at keeping our intensity consistent if we want to beat teams like Buffalo (whom we face 3 times in November) and Montreal (whom we face 2 times). So shape up, Bruins. Don't make me have to smoke a Bowl of Sorrow.

Play of the Week: After a quiet start to the season, alternate captain and all-around badass Marco Sturm had 2 goals on Saturday against the Stars. Watch about 30 seconds in for a lovely snap shot off the assist from Krejci and Wheeler. Anybody for a Sturm-y Weather Bowl?

Fight of the Week: My god there were so many to choose from thanks to that epic Dallas slugfest. Matty Niskanen's decision to no longer be a "pretty boy" against Sheriff Hnidy? Savvy unexpectedly jumping Sean Avery? So many choices! Good thing I had my Tough Decisions Bowl handy. I went with Andrew Ference vs. Sean Avery: one, because it's a fucking great fight, and two, because whenever I see Ference fight I remember him fighting Sid the Kid last year (yes, Andrew Ference is the only player in the NHL to ever have fought Sidney Crosby) and I get all happy. Whee!


Pepster said...

I saw Tim Thomas play in college. No way did anyone ever expect NHL from him (except the Nordiques I guess). Plus, he was following an absolutely tremendous college goalie named Christian Soucy, who I believe had a cup of coffee in the NHL.

Pepster said...

By the way - what type of civil fines does the amendment call for. If each instance is a few thousand dollars, that might as well make it illegal.

Still illegal federally however, but I can't imagine the FBI will be knocking down your door anytime soon. At least not for those reasons.

Hazel Maes Landing Strip said...

$100 and it doesnt go on your permanent record, pretty sweet.

You know if you smoked weed.

GHABB,Y~! said...

While I am for mandated violent rape of anyone who owns and/or enjoys a Sublime or Phish record, I voted in favor of the potheads yesterday, if only so our police forces can dedicate their efforts to more important things, like profiling minorities.

Rocco said...

I love it when you talk hockey.

Oh, and I own both Sublime and Phish albums. Please don't violently rape me ghabby,y~! Was your goatee your tribute to Antrhax or AIC?

futuremrsrickankiel said...

Pot and hockey. These are the fundamentals on which any lasting relationship I form will be founded.

Rocco said...

Good. I can keep hitting on you then.

Pepster said...

ghabby,y! - Don't you realize that pot was the foundation for most of the profiling of minorities?