Monday, November 24, 2008

There are many diseases I wish upon Joey Porter

Video Courtesy of Christmas Ape at KSK

Sorry Hysterics, but because of the shortened work week, most of the editors are swamped at work. So Breakfasts may be infrequent this week, but not to worry you will still get your larfs and poop jokes here. I will be supplying you with the recap of the Patriots Game, or as I like to call "510 yards to forcefully ram up Joey Porter's Ass". The Pats needed a statement game, a showing that would prove to the rest of the NFL that we are still relevant and contenders, and yesterday showed it. Just when you think you have the Patriots scheme figured out (I thought two weeks ago they would be a run heavy team), they open up the field and for most of the game they set up with an empty backfield. I should have realized by now, that its very difficult to figure out Belichick and Josh McDaniels. Even with a win, guess what? My favorite shithead finished with 1 tackle, 1 irrelevant sack, and a loss that could potentially knock the Fins out of the wildcard hunt.

Going into the game we all were treated to the "Joey Porter Show", where that loud mouthed douchebag was given every medium possible to run his fat fucking mouth, and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk. I get it, his outrageous taunts and predictions get you good ratings, but do we really need to see so much of him? Everytime I see him on TV, I want to break something, which is why I don't own nice things. Watch the video that I provided, let's go over some of Porter's talking points:
*I am awesome (this year can't deny that)
* The Patriots are cheaters (fine, it's been overdone, but you aren't the first and certainly are not the last to say that)
* The Steelers would have won those two AFC Championships if the Patriots didn't cheat. Because as Porter said, they knew all our plays before we did them. (You're a fucking retard, Keyshawn should reach over and bitch slap you for saying that. There is no way even they knew all your plays even if they did cheat, face it sourpuss your team got burned. I'm sure Troy Brown returned that Punt for a touchdown because Belichick is a filthy cheater)
* The Patriots were never good, and are full of average no name players. (Suck a dick Joey, seriously, eat a long smelly unwashed penis, preferably with herpes on it. Joey, you may fail to realize this because you are a low IQ retard, but football is a TEAM sport. TEAMS win football games, and the Patriots were a well put together TEAM. Die asshole.
* We are going to kill the Patriots this week. (Yup Joey, really hit the nail on the head this week. God when your stupid offensive gadget play loses its novelty, the coaching staff comes up with a game plan that learns from his mistakes, and an offense that is clicking, your team isn't all that good)

Well, I probably should have avoided giving him that much of my time, but after watching the camera focus on him, I had some steam I had to vent. But onto the positives from the game, which there were many. Mainly, Matt Cassel and Randy Moss. It was such a relief to see the offense continues to improve, where they are almost to the point they were last year. Cassel has never looked more comfortable, he is spreading the ball out, hitting longer passes, and really seems to understand the offense. Which is good for two reasons 1) Our defense still looks sloppy and he is going to need to put up point and 2) The Steelers defense is fucking nasty and after Matt Light went all WWF on Crowder and undoubtedly will be suspended. Cassel is going to be under pressure all game, and if he can stay relatively clean I like the Pats chances against the Steelers.

Is that really the best punches he could throw?

The Dolphins learned a valuable lesson yesterday, something you would figure most teams have learned by now. YOU HAVE TO DOUBLE TEAM RANDY MOSS. As you have seen by now Moss finished with 125 yards and 3 touchdowns, and a handful of crazy circus catches. I like Moss want to question the Dolphins coaching staff, haven't they watched the Super Bowl when two DB's can shut him down? Moss's press conference was a classic, and the video is below, he is most upset at Tony Sparano. Why the fuck would you just slap Jason Allen on him and think that is sufficient to stop him? Moss felt disrepected by the Dolphins after the game, and why not? Silly bitches, you can't harm me you know who the fuck I am? I'm the Juggernaut bitch.

Anyways the Patriots walk away with the win, and look like they are in good position to battle the Jets over the next month for the AFC East. If Tom Brady wasn't so busy nailing Gisele, I bet he would have been proud to watch our offense. I still have concerns about the defense, for three quarters they had trouble preventing Noodledick from marching up and down the field. Hopefully by the end of the week I won't tear my eyes out over the inevitable Brett Favre Bukkake that will be on every sports program I flip to. When is the Jets epic failure going to start? I want it start now!!!!!!

I'm really sorry for the massive influx of videos, I just saw so many that I wanted to incorporate into the post. I swear when I post my BC recap tomorrow you won't have so many


The A-Train said...

The Bills had a statement game this week too. That statement?

The Chiefs are fucking terrible

Rocco said...

I can't wait for 12/28 when the Pats rip out our hearts and crush our last hopes for a wild card.

Unless the Bills bitch slap NE and blow past them for the playoff spot!

The A-Train said...

I have tickets to that game, but after the crushing experience of the Monday night game I don't know if I have it in me to go to another game this year.

Seriously, every time the announcers mentioned the monday night game a little piece of me died.

Eh, fuck it. I'll go and just get loaded up on glögg and labatt so I'm black out drunk by halftime.

futuremrsrickankiel said...

I may actually be up in Buffalo for that game. Should be interesting. And by "interesting" I mean "cold."

The A-Train said...

It's the downside of going to games late in the season. you have to wear so many layers you can't even tell if the girl behind you in line for the porta-potties is a total hottie or, ahem, tons-of-fun.

Actually, that explains how western new york re-populates itself. Bunch of drunk people banging after a Bills game in December.

Anonymous said...

I have learned MUTE is my favorite button, and I hated Joey when we was a Stiller, and moreso now on the 'Fins.
I kinda wish Randy hadn't mentioned the disrespect shit, because I would expect no more single coverage....ever.