Happy Sunday evening, everyone! It's been a great weekend for sports here in Boston: the Celtics cruised to an easy victory over Milwaukee on Friday while both the Bruins and the Patriots snagged clutch divisional wins over their respective Buffalo opponents. Oh, and someone won a college football game on Saturday. Or something.
Anyhoo, this really has little-to-no relevance to the world of actual sports, but it happens periodically that I or one of the other editors of this fine site will peruse our Sitemeter statistics to see how many readers we're getting, which articles have been the most popular, how many people find their way here because they click on APNDR's name on various NASA conspiracy theory blogs, and so forth. Among the many tidbits of helpful information afforded by the Sitemeter logs is what Google search terms are leading people here. Since I'm feeling magnanimous (and a little hungry), allow me to share with you, dear reader, some of the choicest search term strings that have turned up Mass Hysteria Sports in various browsers across the nation this weekend:
"what is the sond [I presume he/she meant "song"] that the wake forest demon deacons come out to in basketball" [I believe that's entitled "Nobody Cares Except You"]
"pound your asshole out" [Amusingly, this turned up a thoughtful and articulate baseball piece from APNDR]
"mrs rich ankiel" [WRONG]
"LATE NIGHT DRINKS TURNS INTO FFM THREESOME" [This was searched for by an undoubtedly drunk someone at 1:15 in the morning... sadly, I doubt that our site provided them with what they were looking for.]
"pepto bismol exlax" [We all know what we have to thank for that]
"big bad booty" [A mildly humorous search made infinitely more hilarious by the fact that it was made somewhere in Abu Dhabi]
"Santonio Holmes big cock" [This was a 5:43 AM charmer that, again, probably left the searcher somewhat disappointed. Even the wittiest of sports-related prose can't compete with a big, throbbing ethnic member when that's what you're in the mood for. Believe me. I'd know.]
"bag of dicks t shirt" [I don't know for sure what this particular person had in mind, but this says one thing to me: MERCHANDISING!!!]
"what town was christopher columbus" [Please, oh please, let this have been an innocent grade-schooler doing research for a school report who will now be permanently traumatized thanks to having chanced upon this site]
"how to play special afternoon sex game" [Dude, if you figure this out, can you shoot me an email? Thanks!]
"sex game Special Afternoon" [Wait... really? Am I missing something here?]
"get cyanide" [Kind of has me thinking I should maybe think about contacting the authorities.]
"intelligent, thorough Boston sports analysis and topical humor" [hahahaha no way just kidding]
In conclusion, dear readers, you are all a bunch of sick fucks and weirdos. Keep reading, though! You amuse us. Hope you all had a great weekend!