Friday, November 7, 2008

Quasi Celebrity Patriots Preview: Al Kaprielian

GOOOD EVENNNING!!! THIS IS AL KAPRIELIAN, MY TV WEATHERMAN EXTRAORDINAIRE! You may ask yourself what MYTV is, well its a SPECTACULAR TV station located in NH that shows reruns of shows you probably really miss: Little House on the Prarie, Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman and best of all Diagnosis Murder! I was asked to come on to this FANNNNNTASTIC blog and write my thoughts about the New England Patriots. Honestly I am not a big football fans, too many germs, and hitting, oh gosh SOMEONE COULD GET HURT! Being the good Jew that I am, I decided I would hassle over pay, because Moses didn't spend 100 days in the dessert of Egypt for nothing! After HMLS and GHABBY informed me that there was no budget to pay me, being that this is a free blog, I decided to help my goyam brothers and sisters out. OOOOOKKKKKKK, lets begin!.

The New England Patriots will be facing off in a HIGH PRESSURE matchup against Buffalo Bills, a team that plays in the upper reaches of New York which of course leads to BRRRRR LAKE EFFECT SNOW!!! But of course this game is going to be played in New England where the Bills will have to account for whirling gusts of Randy Moss, a spatter of Wes Welker, and heavy precipitation from Matt Cassel. On the OTHER side of the ball Trent Edwards better wear good protection against the elements, because Jarod Mayo, Tedy Bruschi and Adalius Thomas are going to make the pocket a messy commute. BUNDLE UP BIG GUY. Even with the heavy precipitation of Patriots I expect it to clear up enough for Marshawn Lynch to break through like the sun on a cloudy day. MAN I LOVE WEATHER RELATED METAPHORS!

I always pondered, why are there no Jewish football players? On a side note, has anyone seen the prices at Gilette Stadium recently? 3 dollars for a water? That is ROBBERY! My wife Gloria sneaks in bottles of CVS water in her purse along with some peanuts and of course my Jewberry (cant leave temple without it!). So if you are going to the game, take my advice put on your rain slicker, and GEEE HAVE A GREAT TIME!!!!! My forecast for the game is:

AL Kaprielian, MYTV Weather....

1 comment:

The A-Train said...

[spits on TV]

weather's never accurate anyway.

useless bunch of fucks.