Friday, November 7, 2008

Mass Hysteria Fantasy Football Preview: Week 10

So I feel like we're kind of a day late with this - there was some football last night, but on the plus side it's going to make my predictions a lot easier! Now when I get a ton of games right, you will all be amazed and mystified. By far the easiest game for me to predict is going to be whomever started Jay Cutler, so let's have a look-see!

/checks league
//head explodes OK. Onto the picks!

Fat Drunk and Stupid over RubberFistingMitten
Well, seems as if Pepster has a tough week matchup-wise. His two running backs (Matt Forte and Chris Johnson) are facing two tough defenses - in fact, they're facing each other! The Titans and Bears both have a tough run defense, so he might be a bit limited. Well, let's have a look-see at FMRAAAAAOOOOOOOH MY GOD. Watching this matchup unfold is going to be like watching a Faces of Death video. Just someone getting mauled limb from limb, left completely for dead. She is starting 1. JT O'Sullivan, 2. Patrick Crayton (on bye), 3. the Tampa Bay defense (on bye) and 4. someone named "--empty--" at wide receiver. Her team is projected to score 43 points. Jay Cutler, whom she DID NOT start, tallied 88 points last night. Pepster's team is only projected to rack up 117 points, so she might have had a shot. But Jay Cutler, he of 475164 yards and 3 TDs...was ON HER BENCH.

Hangin With Mr Dungy over The Wild Card
This is my upset special of the week. Like the above matchup, this one is also scoreless heading into Sunday. I see four guys having big games for HWMD - Pennington, Breaston, Antonio Gates, and (I hope I'm wrong) Lee Evans. This one could really come down to the wire though - Mathemagician has some favorable matchups as well. But I just don't see Drew Brees putting up 60 points, even if he is going against the Falcons.

FutureMrWillaFord over EAT SEVENTEEN BEERS
Well this one is kind of over before it starts. First, EAT SEVENTEEN BEERS is starting three dudes on bye - his QB and his two best receivers. And his 3rd receiver is Ted Ginn, Jr., so he might as well have all three receivers on bye. And, see if you can follow this, but this is where my genius is really going to come into play. ESB is 7-2, in second place! I must be crazy to pick him to lose! I mean, Eddie Royal would have to put up like 49 points for FMWF to win! And he's only projected to get 10! Somehow, I think he'll pull it out.

Plaschke eats penis over Peytons Infected Sac
Another matchup that had no players going from last night, so I'm looking at another shot in the dark here. HzMLS is opting to go with uber-heterosexual Matt Jones at receiver with his two studs Terrell Owens and San-Tana (AY!) Moss on bye. I like both Kurt Warner and Frank Gore to have big days against each other though, and I don't think Mr. Manning will have that big of a day against the Steelers defense.

CockflashLisaOlson over Norfolk & Way There are no words to describe how bad N&W's team is. When you have Dan Orlovsky as your QB...well...yeah. Meanwhile, CFLO has already jumped out to a 14-0 lead thanks to Brandon Marshall. That may be as close as Norfolk & Way will get. Also, GHABB,Y~!, can we expect your icon to shave his goatee as well? Or does he dig McCain?

Osi HumanUrine over LessThanJakeDelhomme
Yeah, so I'm picking myself to win, big whoop, wanna fight about it? I'm down 1-0 thanks to Dropsie McHatesBloggers, so I'll take that as a positive, cosidering we know Braylon can be a lot better than that. You know, when he actually catches the ball and shit. But I think the Lord God Matt Ryan will have a big week for me, shredding the Saints D with his awesomeness. Also, LTJD's QB is Tyler Thigpen, and his best RB Ryan Grant is going against the Minnesota defense. I like my chances. Unless Better-than-Joe-Montana Matt Ryan shits the bed, in which case...well...I'm in trouble.

My Little Ponies over Fightin' Amalies
I know it's not nearly as bad as benching Cutler, but APNDR did have Kellen Winslow on his bench, opting to go with Owen Daniels this week instead. If Owen Daniels gets two TDs...well...whatever, he's NOT getting two TDs. Meanwhile, the Ponies started Jamal Lewis so Smurphette is already out to an 18-0 lead. Maybe Michael Turner going apeshit for her in a win over the Amalies will ease the pain of ND getting pummelled by BC.


Pepster said...

Now, now, let's not harp on FMRA too hard. The game was on the NFL Network on a Thursday night, so how could she have known that her lineup had to be completed by then. Besides ...

who am I kidding. Thanks for the gift!!!

futuremrsrickankiel said...


I don't deserve lenience. Inexcusable, say I. My Bruins were on dammit!

Can't believe I lost to Pepster and his South Beach avatar. I might just bench ALL my players and go out in a blaze of glory.

And yeah I just picked up Marc Bulger off the waiver wire. I think this is what they refer to as "hitting bottom."

Hazel Maes Landing Strip said...

Terrell Owens is not a stud, fuck him

Pepster said...

True, true. You don't deserve lenience. What do you mean you can't believe you lost to me and my South Beach avatar. Everyone else in the league is doing it!

Coincidentally, I do live only a hour from South Beach.

The A-Train said...

I predict that leaving Jay Cutler on the bench will become a running joke along the lines of drafting the Chargers defense in the third round. It will then be over-used to such extremes that FMRA snaps after she runs out of sour diesel and drinks two 40's of bull ice causing her to go on a 5-state killing spree.

A Pimp Named DaveR said...

(1) Owen Daniels had 122 yards receiving last week.

(2) Kellen Winslow had 12 receptions total since Week 3.

I wanted to see an actual performance out of KW before reactivating him. So now I have.

Also, those damn Thursday games sneak up on you....

A Pimp Named DaveR said...

*133 yards.

smurphette said...

@a-train: Let's not forget drafting Ryan Torain when he was already out with a busted elbow for the first 2 months of the season. That one was pretty neat.

/different league

Rocco said...

Fuck me and fuck the Thursday night NFLN game. If I hadn't been out all night at the "gentleman's club" that sponsors my beer league team, maybe I would have remembered that shit. I guess leaving Eddie Royal in to start was good though.

SmartyBarrett said...

Tyler Thigpen kicked my team's ass.

This is the first time this phrase has been used in the history of the universe.