Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Jimmy Clausen, $20 and the Luck o' the Irish

I bet you all were wondering where my post was regarding the BC-Notre Dame football game. Well, I figured you would want a post that was coherent, and thoughtful, not just a complete homer piece so I waited a while for my hardon to die down. Well even though the game was Saturday, like a good dosage of Cealis the erection continued and going to suffer through the most blow hardiest post I can manage. On Friday, I received the following email from my friend Ernie Dolan regarding the game:

So I'm 105% confident that Notre Dame lays down a whopping (SIC) on BC tomorrow. I see Jimmy Clausen lighting up the BC secondary to the tune of 500 yd's passing and 5 touchdowns. Final score Irish 48, bc 17.

G-O-O I-R-I-S-H, B-E-A-T E-A-G-L-E-S

After arguing back and forth I told Ernie to put his money where his mouth is and we agreed to a wager, 20 bucks on the game. Mind you I am not much of a gambler, I am nothing compared to the gambling degenerate Shitshow who recently had to relocate to avoid getting his knees shattered by his bookie. So for me $20 was a large wager, and if they lost my fiance would have been bullshit that I wasted money betting on a shitty team. I felt pretty confident about this game, and boy was I right and boy was Ernie wrong:

Premise 1: Jimmy Clausen will put a whooping on BC, to the tune of 500 yd's passing and 5 touchdowns. Now take all the factors put into this premise, and the exact opposite occurred. How about 0 touchdowns, and 4 interceptions and 220 passing yards. The wunderkind who looks like a retarded aborted fetus was completely overwhelmed against a BC defense that made him their personal bitch all game. Safety Paul Anderson had 2 picks, almost another and the coverage was all over Clausen and the bland offense of ND. Good thing Weiss wasn't running the offense, because I had about a million fat cripple jokes lined up.

Premise 2: So I'm 105% confident that Notre Dame lays down a whopping (SIC) on BC tomorrow. Yeah so did the thousands of other pompous Fighting Irish fans at Alumni Stadium on Saturday. They were everywhere, yet I have to say I am proud of the BC fans for being so loud Saturday night. Seriously, the stadium rocked. With 8 minutes left in the game, I watched the mass exodus of the Irish as they left Alumni Stadium wondering how Chris Crane and Jags beat Jimmy Clausen and the Irish. Evidently the rest of the Irish fans lost their swagger pretty quickly, at least God still loves them.

Premise 3: Final score Irish 48, bc 17. Hey Ernie, you had one number right, BC did score 17 points. But what you seemed to fail to recognize was how impotent ND's offense was. 4 INTERCEPTIONS ERNIE. They played limper than Lou Holtz macking on a drunk co-ed after a frat party. Who the hell was calling the plays? Marty Schottenheimer? My god Claussen was missing open receivers by 5-10 yards, and they had no semblance of a running game. I hope you also enjoyed BJ Raji, Mike McLaughlin and Mark "MEAST" Herzlich. At points during the game Raji was actually launching blockers into the backfield into the running backs. 0 Points, ND, O points.

So I got to leave the game 20 dollars richer, and very happy. The Eagles defense looked like the caliber of defense that I expected they would be. And guess what? We are bowl eligible!!!!!!!! Just so you all can mock me mercilessly, here are the bowls they could qualify for:
1. Gaylord Hotels Music City
2. Konica Minolta Gator
3. Roady's Humanitarian
4. Emerald Nut Bowl
5. Champs Sports
6. Meineke Car Care
7. Eagle Bank Bowl
8. No I'm not kidding


SmartyBarrett said...

What should I do, Lord?

Keep. Gaming.


It means gambling. Keep. Gambling.

Mathemagician said...


"Don't you think you've gambled enough?"


"OK. We're required by law to ask that every 75 hours...get her another free drink!"

Shaun said...

What about the Chick-Fil-A? That's where I went on NCAA 09 after I lost to Maryland (fuckers) in the final game to finish 7-1 (with MD) in the ACC and miss the ACC title game.

GHABB,Y~! said...

Your mom is a Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl.

Anonymous said...

As my team went down in a gross pile resembling a nasty wound pus (SU) I wandered looking for some happiness. THIS GAME BROUGHT ME HAPPINESS!
Hmm. Charlie = genius is long gone.