Friday, November 14, 2008

Dr. HZMLS: or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Matt Cassel

The Pats lost to the JETS in overtime last night at the Razor. As I wake up and try to shake the haze/stank of last night's odyssey, its still hard to wrap my head around this one. This was a tough one to stomach, because we could just have easily won, but yet again it was the small mistakes that killed the Pats. Matt Cassel's rapid improvement plan hit the accelerator last night as he threw for 400 yards and three touchdown passes, along with 50+ rushing yards (the first Patriots QB to ever do this). There is nothing that happened in this game that can be blamed on Cassel, his performance was that good. Sure he missed a few deep throws or threw behind a receiver, but when he needed to he made his throws. As you all probably saw the Randy Moss catch that took the game to overtime was possibly the best throw Cassel has ever had to make. At the bar where I was watching the game, I literally knocked over my chair from the excitement of watching Moss drag his feet in bounds.

This catch was more awesome than a three way with Kristen Bell and Hayden Panettiere. Yes it rocked that much

Again I will save the negativity shit for the pundits who are all probably furiously posting away on, Boston, and the shit heads on ESPN. They will surely give you a laundry list of who to blame for this loss: stupid penalties, the secondary, leaving Dustin Keller wide open on 3rd and 15, Bill Belichick. I'm sure they have it all fired up. But all those writers mean nothing, and I am going to your face of optimism in a crushing loss, because there really is alot of good to take away from this game. The Patriots look better and better every week, and pardon the cliche but Belichick and Co. will learn from their mistakes. Cassel threw NO INTERCEPTIONS, and the offensive line looked much improved, this team against some lesser D's is poised to score more points. This game and our season are not as "Bawful" as they appear. Remember we still have the Raiders, Seahawks and Dolphins coming up, and if Belichick learned his lesson from their last meeting he will have a guy on Ronnie Brown all game.

Yeah I know it was hard, as Patriot's fans we had to sit through four quarters of non stop Brett Favre coverage: watching him pump his fist when Leon Washington broke a KR touchdown, falling to the ground over and over again to avoid being sacked, and hitting a wide open Dustin Keller (man I miss Rodney Harrison, he would have prevented Keller's endless first down taunts with a cheap hit or low blow after the 2nd time). The man most of the country wishes would go away was the main (SURPRISE!) focus of the game last night, and as much as I despise him and think he is a shitty QB, I have to admire his play last night. He made no mistakes, moved the ball at will, and didn't fall into his normal pattern of "Oh fuck this play, let me just improvise and throw this ball 40 yards down field." You have to give credit when credit is due, but on the other hand.

"Eat Shit You Gray Haired Mongoloid "-HZMLS

One definitive thing I can take from this game is an even deeper hatred of the Jets. Before they were just a team led by a Judas like douchebag who couldn't beat his old mentor, but the added step of a loss jacks up the rivalry to a whole new level. Watching ROOKIE Dustin Keller pointing his finger, and Favre jumping up and down like an epileptic retard made me want to go to Foxborough and smack them both with nevermind. Too graphic, I'll save the dick jokes for GHABBY. If anyone sees our QB out on the town with his wife this weeekend please buy him a beer, he deserves it.


RunTheBuffet said...

Definitely the coming out party for Matt Cassel. In fact, not only was he the first Patriots QB to throw for 400 and run for 60, he was the first QB EVER to do it... in the history of QB's...ever...

Rocco said...

I'll get to reading the post, but I just have this to say: FUCK! I started Favre over Cassel. 101 fucking points from Cassel? FUCK! 45 out of Favre isn't bad, but WHAT THE FUCK!

Dubs said...

I was first introduced to Hayden Panettiere on an epi of L&O SVU and it was over for me at that point. She played a Catholic HS girl that was starring illegally in porn movies. My D has never been teased like that.

Bell, on the other hand, makes me want to settle down and have kids. She reminds me a lot of a lizard that is going through the advanced stages of skin cancer.

Sean said...