Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Breakfast with the Hysterics

We are now one day away from the greatest excuse to over eat, drink too much, and avoid all relatives that you haven't seen since last Thanksgiving. T-Minus 24 Hours until we collectively plop our asses in front of a huge turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes and enough football to keep you sane at whatever gathering you attend. But until then, many of us have either a full or half day at work (go to hell Smarty), and as we skip out of work prepared for some vacation, we all have ahead of an important question. On Thanksgiving Eve, do you stay at home and do nothing, or do you trek out to your hometown bar where you inevitably will run into hundreds of old High School friends you vowed to never speak to again.

I, like GHABBY grew up on the North Shore, and the place to be on any T.E is the Sylvan Street Grille. Now normally SSG is a solid place to grab food, watch a football game on their many HD TV's, or grab a drink (well it's classy other than the sign out front that congratulates North Shore Football Players of the week. Students who undoubtedly have a long road of becoming a weight on society ahead of them). But on one day a year, the Grille turns into the Mecca for North Shore Douchebaggery. Basically if you have ever been to the website hot girls with douchebags, that is the essence of what Sylvan Street becomes on T.E, well minus the girls being hot, and at least three people leaving in handcuffs. Well anyways, Sylvan is usually a pretty classy joint, hell check out their website, they even misspelled their own name on the webpage tab. If you want to people watch, or hear stories about how the captain of the football team spent the last two years in jail, this is the place to be. Personally, I have only ventured there once, and it was like being in high school all over again, or in other words it was the circle of hell Dante left out of Inferno. People were crammed in so tightly that you can't a) buy a drink b) move c) get to a bathroom if you have to piss d) avoid people you don't want to see. I vowed that I would never return to SSG, and would leave behind the painful memories of running into that shithead that used to tease me in high school, and still does (but still lives at home with his mom at 28, yeah fuck you).

Well this year I have a dilemma, my fiance and her friends want to go tonight, so in the spirit of being completely ball and chained I will venture out to the forbidden bar. I tried talking her out of it, I even offered to hang out with her family and make pies before if she would change her mind, but no. I wish I had a clue why my fiance wants to go to the SSG, because I am pretty sure that she has evolved far beyond the trash that inhabit the bar, but she is pretty adamant about it. It seems the urge to people watch is too intoxicating for her, or do I know her at all? On the other hand, if I really wanted to avoid it I could just stay home and do nothing for the night, but where's the fun in that? Question for the masses, big plans for Thanksgiving Eve, or just laying low?


Shaun said...

I have to work tonight and tomorrow night (Black Friday coming up), so I'm not doing a damn thing.

Rocco said...

T.E. is fucking amateur night. I concur on the high level of douchebaggery on this fine drinking night. I have options tonight, which is good. First off is happy hour, whenever I get out of work, and the defense of my Golden Tee title. Then either out to a bar by my house, or to the strip club that sponsors my hockey team, or party at my house watching the Sabres game and playing Madden/Sega/beer pong/etc.

As long as I can sneak in a few hours of sleep before heading off to the rink tomorrow I'm good.

But I do feel a bit guilty that my mom will probably be making pies all night.

GHABB,Y~! said...

Sylvan Street has started inserting 30-second TV commercials into local sporting events, wrestling, et al. They're the most low-budget shit you've ever seen, and filmed on the same Sony handcams that captured the finest work of John Holmes. They also feature pictures of non-appetizing food, unattractive waitresses, and patrons who clearly hate their lives. They're simply fantastic.

The A-Train said...

Oh hell yeah I'm going out. It's a bit of a shit-show, but if you go to some of the less popular bars you can still move around and get your beers. I'll follow that up with a little turkey bowl action the following morning with all of my friends.

As for that linked Onion article: The whole thing is bullshit. I haven't heard of any of those bars, and there's no way a white guy went to Marshall.

Rocco said...

@A-Train: Rochester area, right? Where too? My buddy from Greece takes me to Monroe when I visit. Usually for Golden Tee and wings at Sports Page, and slices at ACME.

Rocco said...

Too, to, whatever.

Hazel Maes Landing Strip said...

A-Train: The Onion is a fake news site in case you didn't know. If you did I apologize.

The A-Train said...

I know The Onion is a satire site, I got a kick out of them picking my town.

I go out on Monroe for the most part, it's cheaper and the girls have lower expectations and self-esteem. Sports Page used to be a shit hole, but they fixed it up so now it's nice. Acme has the best pizza around, but for entertainment I'm more of a big buck hunter fan myself. For good wings go further up Monroe to Jeremiah's. More restaurant than bar, but it gets the job done.

I'd stay out of Oxfords though. While tons of fun, you're probably a full decade older than the average patron. I feel old there sometimes and I'm in my mid 20's.