Friday, November 14, 2008

Breakfast With the Hysterics


*The Patriots lost to the Jets last night in OT, 34-31. HZMLS, our Patriots correspondent, will have more on the game later this morning, but I at least was encouraged by the Pats' second-half friskiness and ability to come back from a deficit, even if they did lose in the end. Though I'll also admit that I missed most of the first half watching the Office (which sucked eleven dicks), 30 Rock (best show on network TV) and Always Sunny (best show since Arrested Development). It is for this reason that I am morally against Thursday night NFL television, because THATS MY FUNNY TV SHOW NIGHT GODDAMNIT. If you're going to make me choose between football and Night Man or Day Man, I'm going to choose motherfucking Night Man and Day Man, because they make me pee myself with laughter. BUT DON'T MAKE ME CHOOSE. Football is for the weekend goddamnit, not Thursday.

*The Bruins beat the Canadiens last night, 6-1. Again, I'm sure we'll have further analysis of this later, but let me just be the first to say ha ha Canada, our overly friendly yet socially naive brother to the north. I'm also getting over the fact that the Bruins have a Stephanie on their team, and I wonder how Manon Rheaume feels about all of this.

*HZMLS wanted me to remind you that Your Boston College Eagles will be playing Florida State Penitentiary this Saturday night, from the soulless IQ black hole that is Doak Campbell Stadium. Luckily, we've got B.J. Rajii on our side, as shown in this Zapruder-esque video:


*In a totally unrelated story, I've spent the last three days walking like an 80-year-old man after attempting to play basketball Monday night for the first time in roughly a year. My lower back feels like someone is operating a weedwhacker from within my spinal column that extends out to the lower back muscles. The time may have unfortunately come where I am no longer physically able to handle the rigors of pickup basketball. Now, I spent roughly 73% of my childhood and teenage years on basketball courts (I was the Hakeem Olajuwon of Plains Park, son), so this realization, in my mid-twenties, that I can no longer play the game I once loved, is saddening, both because I really love basketball and because it makes me feel really fucking old. Furthermore, my birthday is less than a week away, and rather than be excited for it as I have for the past 25, my only feelings are of dread and "oh Christ, not again, just one more year closer to death." So our question of the day, dear readers, is at what exact moment did you realize that your physical prime has abandoned you, rendering you helpless in the throes of the aging process?

21 comments:

A Pimp Named DaveR said...

Birth.

Rocco said...

You fucking pussy. I'll be 31 in January and play hockey 3 nights a week. Which includes pounding beers afterwards and getting lap dances.

That being said, I'm on the 60 and out plan, so maybe this is just a mid-life crisis and I'm overcompensating for something.

And thanks Time Warner and NFL Network. I had to watch the 1st half at Duff's (great place, highly recommened), and decided it wasn't much of a game and left. Fuck me if it didn't turn out to be a good game.

Oh, and Happy Birthday.

Anonymous said...

Moderately entertaining way to kinda sorta watch NFL on NFL channel: have Gamecast open in one window, and KSK blogkakke in the other. Keeps you focused on what is going on! Sharper on the mind! NOT VISUAL at all...but hey.
Also, I have a MacBook and it was hiccuping when I tried to stream NLF live. I don't know if it is my MacBook or they have a shitty stream.
RE: ageing. Somedays way worse than others. The last couple of years, looking at 18 year old people and thinking seriously they look about 12 or 25 wigs me out mentally.
Boatdrinks

Anonymous said...

Forgot to add: was exhausted, headed up to bedroom about 10:20 and it was 24 to 13. By the time I flipped on ESPN, crawl was saying 24 to 21...still fell asleep before end. Tied up I think and woke to catch score around 1pm highlights on ESPN. Too many night games. Too much work at work. Sucky week.
Boatdrinks

GHABB,Y~! said...

In my own defense, I cracked four vertebrae in my lower back as a 12-year old (actually a remotely comical story, probably fodder for a Tuesday Storytime at some point) and it's given me shit ever since then. So I have a good reason to have a sore back goddamnit.

Hazel Maes Landing Strip said...

When I could no longer eat or drink milk without taking a pill first.

Anonymous said...

Oh, late reminder. When you look at food and how it hits your allergies, digestive tract and sh!ttaking ability. SUCKS. I have friends without broccoli, friends without milk and I am newly allergic to some fruits with skin (cherries, apples, kiwi, peaches.) SUCK!!!
Boatdrinks

Dubs said...

at what exact moment did you realize that your physical prime has abandoned you, rendering you helpless in the throes of the aging process?

After my third sports-related surgery in four years. I have lost the ability to 1. Lay on my left shoulder without something popping or falling out or sliding (shoulder dislocates like a mother fucker) 2. Throw a ball without a knife stabbing feeling in my right shoulder (rotator and labrum torn) 3. When my left knee aches when it’s cold or rainy (ACL surgery). 4. When it took like 3400 MG of vicodin to kill the pain in my lower back just enough to play a double header because it felt like I was taking a fucking bat to the back (freshman 15). My body is pretty effed up. Two of those surgeries I can blame on pickup basketball. It’s deadly, especially when a HS kid undercuts you. Fucking tard. It hurts all the time.

The A-Train said...

I'm actually just starting to enter my physical prime. The new workout stuff I do is really kicking ass, though during the actual workout I often find myself wishing I had never been born.

futuremrsrickankiel said...

I never feel old.

futuremrsrickankiel said...

No, that's not true. That time last year I hooked up with a guy who turned out to be a sophomore at Middlebury. I felt old then.

Dubs said...

Hahahaha. I almost went to Middlebury. Then I realized what 20 below zero would feel like for like 80% of the school year and changed plans. PS hooking up with freshman in college is WAY more satisfying. WAY more satisfying. They are dumb.

Rocco said...

Middlebury College is the birthplace of Kappa Delta Rho.

Sophmore probably means 19-20. Not too bad.

Pepster said...

My realization came last week, when I could barely walk after my league basketball game b/c of the pain in my right knee, without an actual incident to have injured it. It just hurts like a M/F. Then again, I am 35 now, so I have a few years on most of you (if not all).

Still didn't keep my from pitching back-to-back kickball shutouts in the playoffs last night! (Kickball - last bastion for the athletically aging and/or inept). The drinking is great though.

Anonymous said...

Not all Pepster...
Boatdrinks
Kickball! My favorite was softball. Drank a lot softball beer. And bowling. Drinking bowling beer is not quite as fun as softball beer. Still good.

Rocco said...

Ah, the beer frame. One of my favorites.

I may be revising my status after it snows and I mix in skiing a few times a week.

I think at this point it's the after-sport drinking that does me in. The question should be: At what point did you realized you can't play sports then drink all night till 2 am and go to work the next day and still function like when you were 20?

Dubs said...

At what point did you realized you can't play sports then drink all night till 2 am and go to work the next day and still function like when you were 20?

Wednesday.

GHABB,Y~! said...

In college, I once played an entire game of intramural soccer with a full beer in my hand. I'd actually have a freshman whose sole job would be to make sure my in-game solo cup was full at all times. Granted, I was on defense, but still, I considered it an impressive feat nonetheless. Oh, and we lost like 8-3, as if that wasn't already a given.

Rocco said...

ghabb,y~!, I have a feeling we'd get along. Well, other than you playing soccer, you fag. Though I am impressed with the effort of a full beer.

In college our B squad intramural basketball team was called L.L. Vegas. The 5 starters were the first 5 to puke during the pre-game party. And our jerseys (t-shirts) said "There are no easy baskets"

When I was a freshman we had a hockey game in Hershey, and some senior frat brothers in the stands gave us water bottles of vodka/tonic. Not good.

Oh, and on a side note: I used to sit around with some of the same brothers and pass around a handle of beam, a 2 liter of coke, and a bowl. That should have a name.

GHABB,Y~! said...

Rocco,
No way, I hate soccer, in fact I'm devising a scientific theory that exposure to soccer increases your risk for AIDS. That's why I needed the beer - I couldn't live with myself if I played a game of soccer sober or without making a general ass of myself.

Rocco said...

That would be a fantastic thesis.