Thursday, November 13, 2008
at 8:49 AM Posted by futuremrsrickankiel
Gooooooood morning, Hysterics!
Winter weather is upon us here in New England, which means that breakfast has transitioned from the previously-favored pumpkin spice latte to a seasonal gingerbread latte (with soy milk, natch) and hot oatmeal with dried fruit. Mmm! (Forgive me if I seem overenthusiastic... eating solid foods again is exciting.) I hope you're all enjoying something equally warm and tasty this morning.
It was a clutchtastic night for Boston sports last night: PJ Axelsson sent one home in the 3rd round of a shootout to lift the Bruins over the feisty young Blackhawks, while Paul Pierce sank a buzzer-beating jumper to clinch a 103-102 victory over Atlanta for the Celtics. In summary, we are the most awesome city in the history of ever. Take that, Ancient Carthage!
Also, a gentle reminder that NHL All-Star voting began yesterday; you may vote either here or by texting a player's last name (text "BRUINS" to vote for all of our representatives) to 81812 as many times as you like until 9:00 pm on January 2nd. I was initially planning a post suggesting other players you could lend your support to, in the interest of being "objective" or what have you, but seriously: fuck that. Just vote for the Bruins. Our 2008-2009 representatives are team captain Zdeno Chara, alternate captain and returned hero Patrice Bergeron, and scoring leader Marc Savard. I encourage you also to write in one or all of the following:
* Tim Thomas, who had his first All-Star appearance last year and actually wound up earning the win in the game; he's currently the top-ranked goalie in the league.
* Milan Lucic, whose play has not only earned him a spot on the first line, but has had a significant impact within the entire Northeast Division as well as in nearly every game he's played.
* Andrew Ference, who is the Bruins unquestioned defensive leader.
I'm also endorsing Marty Brodeur (even though he obviously won't be able to play), G, New Jersey; Shea Weber, D, Nashville; Roberto Luongo, G, Vancouver; Joe Thornton, F, San Jose (duhhhh); Joe Sakic, F, Colorado; and Rick Nash, F, Columbus. But seriously: vote for the Bruins. Think how happy you'll be making me.
Let's play a little game this morning. I think you'll enjoy it. My partner-in-thoughtcrime "Nodnarb" (whose devilish antics you've all been treated to before) and I recently brainstormed a list of items that would potentially look very awkward when purchased together -- for example, a pregnancy test and a single wire coathanger. (Credit is due to the occasionally fantastic xkcd for the inspiration.) It definitely made for some interesting conversation; we discovered, for example, that nearly anything paired with lube works quite well (e.g. a bagful of zucchini and lube, a torque wrench and lube, one of those giant plastic candy canes filled with M&Ms and lube). Here are some of the pairings we came up with:
rope, duct tape, and a Hannah Montana DVD
razor blades and a pad of stationary
massage oil and duct tape
bulk burritos and adult diapers
ski mask and a shotgun (assuming you're at Wal-Mart)
morning after pills and a frying pan (only if you're in the third trimester)
candles, bath salt, and Ernest Goes to Camp on DVD
a kiddie pool and $100 worth of pudding
clamps, a car battery, and bandaids
Tabasco sauce and an enema applicator
the Kama Sutra and a big stuffed animal
lower case T made of wood, lighter fluid, matches, and a 40 oz. malt liquor
a white sheet and some rope
a really big curling iron, lube, and Band-aids
oversized plastic crayon and lube
chloroform, rags, and baby clothes
tons of home waxing kits and a speedo
DVD copy of Soul Man, a FAFSA form, and a cart full of self-tanner
pregnancy test and a fake ring
a dog and a jar of peanut butter
a Slip-and-Slide and a cart full of mayonnaise
Feel free to add any your sick little minds come up with in the comments. Vote for your All-Stars! And stick around for more fun later today.
Also, a thought: I'd like very much to get a Mass Hysteria party (since we're not Deadspin, we won't call it a Pants Party... what say ye to a No-Pants Party?) together sometime in the month of December. Since I'm planning it, it will revolve around either watching a Bruins game or going to a Providence Bruins game. In order to gauge interest, I'm asking that anyone who'd be down shoot me an email at futuremrsrickankiel (at) gmail (dot) com; I'll take it from there if it seems like we have enough potential participants (or partici-no-pants, I guess). Do it up! You know you want to.