Monday, November 10, 2008

Breakfast With the Hysterics

Wow...what a weekend, huh? Celtics win, Bruins win a big divisional game, BC wins a big rivalry game, Patriots win a big divisional game, Celtics win a big conference game...pleasure...overload... We're going to have a lot to talk about today. I know some of our readers are Bills fans, Sabres fans, and/or Fighting Irish fans, so I figured I'll let you know what to expect today. GHABB,Y~! is going to tell you which Hooters waitresses winked at him on Saturday as he watched the Gators dismantle Vanderbilt, FMRA is going to tell you which Bruin looked the sexiest during the chunks of the game she saw in between bowl rips, and HzMLS has a tall task in keeping his emotions in check as he tells us about BC's win over ND. Then he also has a Patriots game to recap. Should I even remind him that Matt Ryan played like ridiculously well yesterday too? Jeez. And me? Well, I'll continue to talk out my ass during a breakfast post. Sound good?

Reading FMRA's post yesterday reminded me of how easy it would be as bloggers to be complete whores for readers. I mean, you can see what people are searching the internets for (Sex? Really?). So we could easily just crank out posts that we know would show up in a ton of Google searches. But that's not what we're about. However, in the past, maybe it's something I have done. MAYBE. Like when we at the Ejected Fan found out that someone searched "Ichiro Fucking" and found our site. That spawned this insightful, well-thought-out intelligent post. But that was the old me, and I'm not going to whore myself out like that for readers anymore. Jenna Jameson anal.

Finally, and I promise this will be the last word on this, but since Question 2 passed in Massachusetts and hippie lettuce has been decriminalized, several of us here at Mass Hysteria now have less and less of a chance of posting from prison. You won't be getting any phrases like "Paul Anderson's interception return reminded me of that time I was running from the po-po." But maybe that's just me, so I have a question for the masses: have you ever had a run-in with an officer of the law? If so, please elaborate. If you have multiple felony convictions, we may want to avoid you from now on. Or we may want to bring you on as a contributing editor.


futuremrsrickankiel said...

I've hooked up with 2 Boston cops. Does that count?

The A-Train said...

Only if it was at the same time.

My encounter with the NYPD? Oh, what a story:

I'm living in Berkshire county at the time, so I drive to Albany and take the train down to NYC to meet up with some friends of my for my birthday weekend. We go out some bar in Manhattan that my friend's friend's boss at Express goes to a lot. Apparently this friend of a friend can get us all we can drink for $150. This is a steal anywhere, but even more so in NYC where a pitcher of beer will run you close to $20.

So we go in and make with the drinking. Oh lord did we drink. Jagerbombs, red bull and vodka, redbull and stoli, long islands, and lord knows what else.

I black out for a while, and it's time to go. We get our coats back and go to leave. One of the bouncers stops and tells me I need to pay the tab. Ohhh yeah, that thing. The bill is...$300!? Fuck that! Lemme see the tab! They show it to me, and I see a lot of stuff I didn't have. I refuse to pay, saying I didn't order half this shit. They say they have me on tape. I say lets review the tape. They tell me no, we'll just call the cops instead.

There's some good news.

Cops show up, and after listening to my argument give me the choice of paying the bill or going to jail. I opt for paying the bill, as getting bailed out of the drunk tank costs more than $300 dollars, and hey: I want to keep my shoes.

One of my friends completely flips out and almost gets arrested. Twice. And then almost gets us kicked out of the cab back to brooklyn. Asshole.

Then there was that time I got pulled over at 10am for speeding while still drunk/hungover from the night before. Oh, and it was thanksgiving morning.

Rocco said...

I got pulled over once for swerving. Cop thought I was drunk, made me do the tests. Passed with flying colors. Blew a 3.8. Said I should be dead. Turns out it was all cause of my fiance having sex with me and it was hard to steer. Told me to go get some coffee down the street and be safe.

Oh, and you forgot about ND beating BC on Friday.

And fuck me if the Bills don't figure out how the run the fucking ball they'll be 5-11.

Rocco said...

@a-train: That reminds me (and I doubt anyone will really care), that we used to get ice on Thanksgiving morning. So not only is everyone hung over as shit from drinking till 4am the night before, but we then procede to sit around and drink beers in the locker room for another 3-6 hours afterwards. Needless to say wives/girlfriends/families were never too happy with us.