*The Bruins defeated the Maple Leafs last night, 5-2. Futuremrs' boy-toy Blake Wheeler had his first career hat trick, giving her a vaginal orgasm (much rarer than its clitoral cousin). Wheeler may credit his success to changing his uniform number prior to the game from 42 to 26, but we at Mass Hysteria know that his success truly stems from the undying adoration of a certain female editor of this site. Tim Thomas stopped 34 shots, and has been called upon by the United Nations to use his superhuman goaltending skills to stop not just slapshots, but also the spread of AIDS in Africa, nuclear proliferation, and the inexplicable popularity of Spencer Pratt. I'm confident he can do all three, armed with only his blocker, glove, and goalie stick.
*Speaking of hockey, this unbridled display of awesomeness took place during last night's Lightning/Rangers tilt, in which Tampa goalie Mike Smith got all Bat Dad on New York's Aaron Voros:
*In Thursday night NFL action that none of us could watch because Comcast wants to charge you FIFTEEN FUCKING DOLLARS a month for the NFL Network (oh, I'm sorry, their "Sports Package" which includes the NFL network and fifteen channels devoted to tennis), the Broncos beat the Browns 34-30 last night, led by Diabetic Hero Jay Cutler, who threw for 447 yards and three TDs. That performance earned him 88 points (seriously) in the Mass Hysteria fantasy league which...oh...wait....futuremrs forgot to put him in her starting lineup? Aahahahahahaha. I guess she was too busy discussing the possibility of smoking weed out of a person's ass with Monday Morning Punter on the KSK podcast. Futuremrs' interview begins at about 29:44 of the podcast, and the discussion is not, in any way, safe for work, though will give you a bit of a chub.