Monday, November 17, 2008

Boston Sports Tonight!

Bruins @ Maple Leafs, 7:30 pm. Still sitting pretty atop the Northeast Division, the Bruins travel to Toronto to take on yet another divisional foe tonight. The B's are coming off a disappointing shootout loss to the Rangers (BERGIE'S DRIBBLER WAS IN DAMMIT*) and are without top defender Andrew Ference for the second straight game. Toronto has a .800 winning percentage while leading after 2 periods, while Boston's yet to eke out a win after trailing for 2. Hence, the key to this game will be for the Bruins to get on the board early and often.

*no it wasn't but shut up

An interesting note: this will be the fourth straight game the Bruins have played against Original Six opponents since last week's trip to Chicago.

Frivolous Wager of the Night: Poor Mike Van Ryn is having a rough year. First, our very own Milan Lucic sends him careening through the glass at the Garden. Just a couple of weeks later, Montreal's swarthy Greek purse-snatcher Tom Kostopoulos smashes into him from behind and sends him out until December with a concussion and various other injuries. (Kostopoulos has since been suspended 3 games by the NHL.)



Needless to say, Van Ryn will not be taking the ice at the Air Canada Centre tonight, but we've got the exclusive Vegas lines on what bizarre and horrifying injuries the unlucky defender could sustain regardless:

Breaks leg in bizarre futon accident while getting dressed 10:1
Is body-slammed through glass of press box while watching the game 25:1
Massive hemorrhage following paper cut received while opening stack of angry letters from Quebec accusing him of diving 60:1
Sprains tongue while attempting to properly pronounce the phrase "out and about" 150:1
Is electrocuted in own bathtub after elaborate, cartoon-like series of trips culminating in him landing in full tub with a toaster stuck on his foot 500:1
Suffocates under the weight of his own irrelevance 3:1

Serious prediction of the night: This'll be a close game, I think, but I see us taking it 4-3 thanks to some early scoring and Toronto's penalty-killing struggles.

2 comments:

stanley cup of chowder said...

- develops carpal tunnel syndrome from constantly voting for himself for the all star game.

- Joel Zumaya style Guitar Hero injury

- dislocates his shoulder while getting arrested at a public library for taking all the A's off the computers' keyboards in protest of bloggers misspelling his name.

- Goes into mental distress after seeing yellow seats at a Toronto area movie theater.

- Plummets to his death when the glass floor in the CN Tower gives way.

- Gets alcohol poisoning from drinking Canadian Club whiskey and Molson XXX.

Rocco said...

I can verify from experience that Molson XXX will in fact put a beating on you.