Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Your Tasty Red Sox Post-Season Awards



What, did we all forget about baseball already? There's still plenty of post-season awards to hand out! If I'm not mistaken, they start announcing the big award recipients (MVP, Rookie of the Year, etc.) 15 days after the World Series ends...so I anticipate us knowing who the Cy Young winner is sometime around Valentine's Day. With Kevin Youkilis already taking home some hardware, let's have a look-see at some other possible award winners, shall we?



The Ketchup Award
If you're anything like me, you put ketchup (or in some extreme cases catsup) on everything. EVERYTHING. I'm talking burgers, fries, hot dogs, meatloaf, eggs, baked beans, ham, sausage, bacon, potato chips, chocolate pudding, your lover's stomach, EVERYTHING. When you go camping, there's only one condiment you need to bring. It just goes so well with everything, and it makes everything taste better. Just like Kevin Youkilis. Put the guy anywhere in the order, put him anywhere in the field, and the bald, bearded brother can work well in any circumstance. Now pass the ketchup.



The Relish Award
You ever clean up after a cookout, and you realize the ketchup has been polished off, the mustard is down to the last few drops, but there's always plenty of relish left? It's not that no one likes it - it's delicious. But somehow, it rarely gets used. No one even seems to notice it's even there. That's why I'm giving The Relish Award to Sean Casey. The ultimate team guy, but yet he was rarely used this year, and a lot of people forgot that he was even on the team. But yet, if he was ever needed, you could always find him, ready to give you a little extra pop.



The Slightly-Warm Mayonnaise Award
If you're white, a redneck, or preferrably both, you are likely a big mayonnaise fan. Doesn't really taste like much, but it does the job. The huge downside is that if you leave it out too long, it gets really gross really fast. Some people say this is how to make "special sauce." The same folks are likely wearing a porcelain necktie several hours later. It just isn't that good later on. That is why this award goes to Jason Varitek. Look, everyone is a big fan. And he was really good not too long ago. But jeez, there's nothing we can do with him now, he's spoiled. Down the garbage disposal with ya.



The Wasabi Award
Anyone who has used too much wasabi has been burned. Seriously. Like right in the nostrils. The stuff is delicious though, and your first try with it is always a sobering experience. "Oh, this is what this stuff is like? Forget it." But then you start to work it in bit by bit, and once you find out how much to use, it's outstanding. Just need to find that medium. That's why The Wasabi Award recipient is Hideki Okajima. Got rocked early on, but then, with other guys in the pen (the ginger, if you will) shouldering part of the load, they were able to use Okajima very effectively, and he had a damn good second half. Doki doki!



The Unsalted Butter Award
Ah yes, unsalted butter. Plain, tasteless, colorless, but yet somehow, essential to a lot of meals. Whether it's greasing up a pan or being added to eggs, sauce, or cookies, it always gets the job done, even if it's not exactly glamourous or noticeable. That is why I'm awarding the Unsalted Butter honors to Jason Bay. The man simply comes to work and gets shit accomplished, and he added some extra bulk to the middle of the Sox lineup, even if a lot of his hits, homers, and RBI weren't as celebrated as, say, Manny Ramirez.

I'm hungry.

4 comments:

futuremrsrickankiel said...

How predictable: giving Okajima the Wasabi award. Why don't we just give Jacoby Ellsbury the Firewater Award or Coco Crisp the Watermelon and Fried Chicken Award and be done with it?

Racist!

Anonymous said...

When did sean casey give a little extra pop.... he's a singles hitter at best.

The A-Train said...

Not gonna lie: thought this was going to be GHABB,Y! post.

Anonymous said...

me too A-train! *Ketchup on lover's stomach was the red herring*
I love wasabi. I determined my desire for sushi is really a desire for salty soy and wasabi.
I agree about relish. I always forget it is in the fridge.
Re: Sox. No award for Papi? Huh? hmm. How about hamburg, hot dog roll? A little plump. Could be getting a tad stale. Awesome when fresh, nasty when been in the freezer too long.
Boatdrinks