nd lo, a great cry arose from the Nation, and much wailing and rending of garments ensued, and the people cried out to the God who had abandoned them in their greatest hour of need, and the fattest of calves was slaughtered until the blood ran redder than the reddest of knit stockings, and the incense burned thickly in the temples.
nd in his infinite mercy, the Lord looked down upon his people, and spake unto them, that they might feel respite in these dark times.
nd thus spaketh the Lord of Red Sox Nation:
o, my people, I will relieve your suffering, and deliver unto you the series for which you so dearly plead.
ut know this, my people: one of your number hath greatly displeased me, and it is for her sins that I now punish your Nation. For lo, this very harlot of Babylon hath suffered the ham-fisted brotards that sully my Temple of the Fens to come unto her, and hath whored herself out for such trifles as light beer (an ale which is not clean in Mine eye) and jackets on cool nights.
ut lo, even these are not the most gaudy of her offenses: yea, this unclean priestess has forsaken me, and worshipped instead the godly Longoria, who was created in Mine image.
hou knowest the Rays were once a big joke played by Me to amuse the more simple-minded of the seraphim, but now they have risen up against Me to become more powerful than they were ever meant to be, because this careless Jezebel hath praised their youthful leader, and cast many bronze statues in his image. Her lack of fidelity unto My church has brought suffering upon you all, and she must atone before I can allow you to attain the Pennant of Glory and return it to My church.
nd so the harlot went out into the desert, and clothed herself in sackcloth and ashes, and fasted for 40 days and 40 nights; and, as the Lord had earlier decreed, made her hat to be inside-out and wore it backwards in the manner of the Rally Caps of ancient days.
nd the Lord smiled upon His people, and the Red Sox won the ALCS, and they praised His name.