Friday, October 31, 2008

Patriots, Eagles, and the Crypt Keeper

In an effort to put both of my previews into one clean post, and to force you to read about Boston College, both games will be previewed.

Boston College vs Clemson

A battle for the newly formed "Leather Helmet" award, Clemson hasn't beaten BC in ages. Great job Grid Iron Club I can't wait to see who wins this treasured award. What are we going to have next, "Catholic Irish Wealthy Kids Award" for BC-Notre Dame, or "Future Lawyers vs Future Clients Trophy" for BC-Florida State. I am going to go ahead and say this game is going to be VERY sloppy. If you decided to watch the game (again on ESPNU so 99% of you can't even if you wanted to) you will be "treated" to two of the worst QB's in the ACC. Cullen Harper was projected to be an elite college QB but with a TD/INT ratio of 1:1, he really hasn't lived up to that. Don't get me started on Chris Crane. Please don't, he make me very angry. And you wont like me when I'm angry

Just because I love all of you, and want to spare you the boredom of a complete BC recap, I will go ahead and say that BC will win this game by 10, with about 6 turnovers in the game. At some point during this game my fiance will restrain me so I dont throw my coke bottle or cell phone at Chris Crane. I like the BC defense, even if they looked like the Lions last weekend. But if BC loses this game someone needs to keep me on 24 hour watch for my own safety.

Oh and by the way place kicker Billy Bennett was suspended indefinitely by the Eagles for an undisclosed reason:
a) impregnated a cheerleader (good old Catholics and their views on abortion)
b) got loaded, and got in a fight and went all Ryan Ohliger on a fan (who is Ohliger you may ask? He is an ex BC kicker thrown off the team after beating up a Superfan who taunted him for being a terrible FG kicker, which it was)

c)Course failure. Me fail English? Thats unpossible.

New England Patriots vs the Indianapolis Colts

Welcome to the Patriots preview my little minions, its your favorite ghoulball expert the Crypt Keeper! Mwahahahaha!!!!! This weekend the New England Rape-riots will fight to the death with the Indianapolis Cults! In this tale of gore and agony a young man Matt Cassel must overcome the tragic death of his predecessor TOM BRADY, what he doesn't know is the Colts want him dead as well. MAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

The secondary of Ellis Hobb-Goblin and Brendon Stormy-weather will have their claws full against the evil Cults Wild Retrievers! The stakes will be high for these monsters, if they can not inflict some bodily pain on these ghouls, their souls will burn for eternity in Bill HELL-ichick's Prison!!! Rat Cassell needs to execute on offense, or it will be his head on the chopping block! MAHAHA. If he wants to win this game he needs to pick apart a wounded Colts secondary, like a vulture tears apart a corpse. Randy Moss is my type of player, he wants to be the main go to guy, he reminds me of a young Frederick Kreuger before he the power and glamor went to his head.

As the clocks dies in the fourth quarter, I expect a close game. Because of his arm, and a face that looks closer to death, Peyton Mangling will be the victor. Though if he continues to eat like a swine, that nose tackle Vince Wil-fork over his soul over to me! If it is tied I propose an alternate solution, Peyton Mangling and Rat Cassel, pistols at dawn. Winner takes the game, loser forfeits his soul!!!

1 comment:

stanley cup of chowder said...

I was at the game 2 years ago against BYU whenOhliger missed I think a PAT and 2 FGs in the first half. Ohliger and Aponivicius (or however you spell his name) weren't allowed in the locker room at halftime. Instead they had to pretty much compete for the starting job in front of 40,000 people at halftime.