Thursday, October 30, 2008

An Open Letter to Philly Fans

Dear Philadelphia Fans,

As you finally enjoy your first championship in more than a generation, I first want to extend a hearty congratulations to all of you, on behalf of the city and fans of Boston. Both your team and your city deserve this.

We're not that dissimilar, Boston and Philly, and it is through those similarities that I write you this letter. We're both four-sport Northeastern cities with rabid fan bases. Great sitcoms (Cheers and Always Sunny) are/were based in our respective cities. We're both plagued with shitty weather and an even shittier selection of good-looking women. Our baseball teams feature oversized jovial power hitters, second basemen who fill up every aspect of the stat sheet, and lights-out closers. We both started the American Revolution. We both really fucking hate New York.

So it is from that kindred spirit that I wish to issue you, the people of Philadelphia a warning, as you finally enjoy your first championship since 1983: don't turn into douchebags. Trust me, we as Bostonians speak from experience.

In fact, the five of us founded this site because so many of our local brethren had been corrupted by championship, spoiled by the power of winning, that douchebaggery and entitlement took them over, causing them to be insufferable to not only those around them locally, but the entire nation. Winning is a powerful thing, but power can corrupt.

It's hard to explain exactly how, but winning a championship changes many in a fanbase. The thrill of the chase is no longer there, that void is filled instead with an odd sense of satisfaction and an addictive sense of more, more, more. Soon after the glow wears off, some people’s thoughts will immediately drift to "well, if we keep the team intact, there's no excuse for us not to win next year as well, and then the year after that, and the year after that…" Many of your fans will come to expect, nay, demand championships, year after year, and become insufferable when that does not happen. God knows it's happened here, and it makes the smaller, rational percentage of our fans embarrassed to be associated with the irrational large percentage of our fanbase that has spent the last week inexplicably calling for Francona’s job, or thinking the sky is falling because Brady got hurt. These people feel that now that we’ve won one (or more than one in this particular case), every season’s championship is our right. Winning even more championships only makes their insufferability worse, furthering their sense of entitlement. I mean look at Yankees fans: 26 championships and they’re complete fucking pricks, the lot of them.

So, if I as a Boston fan can give you any advice for the next few days/weeks, it's to enjoy this impending championship for what it is. Soak in every moment, every instant of the next few days, because it's what you'll be telling your children about in the future. Buy every possible t-shirt, hat and DVD that says "Phillies World Champions." Laugh, cheer, and drink until you lose all feeling in your extremities.

But weeks from now, when that glow wears off and you start looking forward, be it towards the Sixers or the Eagles or next season's Phils, take the road less traveled, and the road certainly not traveled by most of the people up here: don't turn into an expectant douchebag with a sudden sense of entitlement. The rest of the country will thank you, and you'll be a better fanbase for it.


The A-Train said...

I mean look at Yankees fans: 26 championships and they’re complete fucking pricks, the lot of them.

Hey, go fuck your mother asshole!

Anonymous said...

Did A-train resemble that remark? Or merely showing the truth in your sentence?
Go Phillies!
I am sure that Tampa Bay may have gotten it together on an earlier night. But last night, as it turned into the top of the 9th inning, and multiple Tampa Bay Rays were unable to see through the neckwarmers pulled to their eyeballs, I was pretty sure (tongue in cheek) they weren't going to get "hot" and "come storming back".
They were mentally on the plane home at that point.

endless.sean said...

Dear Philadelphia fans,

Eat a bag of dicks.

Rocco said...

Good post Ghabb,y.

/Yankess Suck!
//Not Tommy

Anonymous said...

Philly fans boo injured players, santa, and are essentially NY Jr. Screw them too.

The only saving grace is the mohawk didn't win the series... that would have really been a fucking disgrace.

shaun said...

I almsot dread purchasing MLB: The Show 09 next year, because I'll hear those fucking cowbells nine times a year.

The A-Train said...

I'm pretty sure Philly fans CHEER injured players and BOO their own players, unless one of their own players is injured in which case they cheer, or just punch the nearest fan of the opposing team for cheering.

Hazel Maes Landing Strip said...

So wait are you forcing everyone who attends your party to watch UF and Georgia? FUCK

Anonymous said...

"I mean look at Yankees fans: 26 championships and they’re complete fucking pricks, the lot of them."

lol i no the Phillies where so happy for there win and the Yankees didn't give to shits