Monday, October 6, 2008

The Official 2008 ALDS Game 4 Drinking Game

So if you're like me (geeky, awkward, 26-year-old virgin, gainfully employed) and stayed up for that entire Red Sox game last night, you are probably running on fumes and however much coffee you can snag from your breakroom without actually having to chip in and make a pot yourself. There's no doubt last night's debacle was frustrating to those who stayed up to the bitter end and had to witness Erick (G)Ay bar get his first hit of his suck-tastic series thusfar. Unfortunately it happened to be a 12th inning game-winning single, dashing the hopes of fans hoping that they would see a clincher in the wee morning hours. I admit I didn't have a good feeling about this one after the super-sexy-sexified-pile-of-hotness-sex-machine Jed Lowrie failed to come through with the bases loaded and a 2-0 count. FMRA actually had second thoughts about letting him make a baby inside her after that one. And Alex Cora - ALEX CORA! What the FUCK was he doing hitting in the bottom of the 12th? Was Sean Casey in a coma? In any event, I don't really feel like dwelling on that game, especially since I like the Sox chances tonight and I still think they're in a really good position.

Instead, I will give you hope for tonight, and maybe some fun to have in the process. Since we're all exhausted and another long night of baseball in staring us in the face, I have a fun little way to pass the time right through to the last out this evening: The Official Mass Hysteria Game 4 Drinking Game

Before I begin with the rules, a little background on what spawned this sleep-deprived idea. As HzMLS and I settled in to watch the Patriots game yesterday, we began to pound beers like there was gold at the bottom enjoy a few adult bevarages. By the start of the Sox game, we were in good shape, and it started. Drink every time they say the word "oblique"! Drink when they show highlights from 04 or 07! Drink when they mention K-Rod's 2008 save total!

This was a very poorly constructed game, considering it was on-the-fly and that the last rule was "Drinkkk evrn time Ericklk Ayyybr isss a supid shitfuck fuckerr!!" *pounds beer* So now I will present some more official rules, and I encourage everyone to participate tonight. (Note: some may want to use coffee or Red Bull instead of beer, based on what kind of shape you're in from last night)

* Drink every time Caray says "defending champions."
* Drink when Buck Martinez mis-pronounces something.
* Drink every time they replay Erick Aybar's hit from last night.
* Drink when you see the "steal meter" showing the distance of a player's lead.
* Drink when the K Zone shows a pitch was a ball.
**BONUS: Drink twice if that pitch was called a strike.**
* Drink when they show Mike Lowell injuring his hip in Tampa.
* Drink when they mention Jon Lester had cancer.
* Drink when they mention John Lackey has Down Syndrome.
* Drink when they show Craig Sager.
**BONUS: Drink twice if his suit is: teal, fuschia, peach, sky blue, magenta, or burnt sienna.**
* Finish your beer if Jason Varitek gets a hit.
* Drink if the announcers call the Angels "agressive."
* Drink if they show a Red Sox fan with their fingers crossed, praying, chanting, or covering their eyes.
* Pour your beer over your roommate's head if when the Red Sox elimiate the Angels.


Rocco said...

You pussy.

A Pimp Named DaveR said...

* Drink when the K Zone shows a pitch was a ball.

Dude, we don't want to KILL our readers.... there are going to be, conservatively, 80 legit balls thrown during a game.

I think "drink when the K-zone shows a ball being called a strike" rule should be enough.

SmartyBarrett said...


Yeah, but how often do they actually show the K Zone? Once an inning, at most?

Hazel Maes Landing Strip said...

Dude, we don't want to KILL our readers....

Speak for yourself, I have every intention of offing every single one of them.

Zach Martin said...

Speak for yourself, I have every intention of offing every single one of them.

You can start with me if you actually do this:

I can already see the post mocking Zach Martin, oh how glorious it will be.