Tuesday, October 21, 2008

The NFL Gods are cruel and confusing

Have you ever been pleasantly surprised by something you completely didn't expect? Like when a girl you think is out of your league gives you a phone number, or after not puking after a night of heavy drinking? It's a great feeling let me tell you, well the not puking part.(as many of you know I've been ball and chained now for almost a decade so I have no idea what it feels like getting a girls number). It's that feeling that we needed last night, a day after the Red Sox season ended it was the Patriots that needed to surprise us. And boy did they ever.

Because of some miscommunication between the Hysteric editors, and the fact that I was completely swamped at work yesterday I did not put up any sort of football preview. As MNF began, I kicked myself for failing to provide you with my "expert analysis", :inside information:, and loads of inappropriate genital jokes. This morning I stand before you and thank God, Jesus and Martin Scorcese that I didnt post. Let's look at some of my assumptions/predictions for the game (feel free to mercilessly mock me for this).

1. After seeing what the Chargers dismantle the Patriots, Jay Cutler/Brandon Marshall/Eddie Royal will kill them. Um, they scored one touchdown, had five turnovers and a QB with a smashed hand and an offense thatlooked weak. But 7 points, PATRIOTS DEFENSE THIS IS WHAT I THOUGHT YOU WERE CAPABLE OF! Though to be fair I think if FutureMrs hit Andre Hall she would have caused those two fumbles.
2. Matt Cassel isn't bad, but isn't anything special either. I will still contend that he isn't anything special, but I definitely think he is better then we give him credit for. Cassel completed 75% of his passes, threw for 3 TD's and his QB Rating in this game was in the top 10 all time for the Patriots. I know personally I was getting on him for getting sacked alot in the past few weeks. After last night it was pretty clear its the O-Line who lets the defense in untouched and RB's who don't touch blitzers who are getting Cassel killed. Cassel made smart decisions, and I think that is all we can hope for, because as Tony Kornheiser reminded like 300 times last night "HES NOT TOM BRADY!!!"
3. Randy Moss will get 4 catches for like 60 yards with no TD's. I believe I said those exact words to SmartyBarrett as the game was going to start. I figured Champ Bailey who is one of the best CBs in the league would have his way against him, fuck every other team basically has all year. I was pretty close with the catches and yardage so I can take solace in that. Two touchdowns later, one on a fantastic catch and run screen pass, and again I look like an asshole. Moss is a fucking leader on this team, he is blocking on running plays, and energizing his team and fans.
4. The Patriots Defense would fail to get pressure on Jay Cutler. Look I took the Chargers game too seriously, the D in that game looked more bland then a song by Staind. From the first play of the game I could tell this week was different, they put Cutler on his ass play after play, sacked him 3 times and forced him to make mistakes. Richard Seymour and Jared Mayo looked possessed on the field, and caused mayhem all game. Harrison did go down, which blew, but honestly losing Harrison isn't as devastating as you think. Mark this in your little notebooks, John Lynch will be starting at Safety in two weeks.
5. Broncos 35 Patriots 13. With a sputtering offense and defense I assumed the Patriots had no chance against a Broncos team that was 4-2 going into the game. I knew the Broncos D blew, but I had on idea a Mike Shanahan team could be so mistake prone with countless stupid penalties and turnovers. I also completely underestimated Bill Belichick, after watching the Chargers game I assumed he would continue to let Cassel flounder, and again I was wrong. He did what I was clamoring about for weeks, RUN THE FOOTBALL, keep the pressure off of Cassel and control the tempo of the game.

Yep your faithful MH football editor was completely wrong about his Patriots. As I said to SB after the Sox game "Fuck, this is just going to feel worse, the Pats are playing the fucking Broncos tomorrow". I completely misjudged a Broncos team that had won a few fluky games, and a Patriots team still trying to find themselves. I was wrong on all fronts about my talking points on this game, now I know what Tom Jackson and Mike Ditka must feel like week after week. As upsetting as it was watching my Red Sox lose Game 7, realizing that the Patriots might have created their identity on MNF was that much more exhilarating. Take this for what its worth, I think this could be a defining game for these Patriots. Next week we get the Rams who all of a sudden are showing signs of life, please kill them.


SmartyBarrett said...

You have echoed my feelings so well it's almost like I wrote this post myself. The only difference is the line:

(as many of you know I've been ball and chained now for almost a decade, so I have no idea what it feels like getting a girl's number)

would be replaced with:

(as many of you know, I've been a skinny, socially awkward dude with glasses for 26 years, so I have no idea what it feels like getting a girl's number)

Rocco said...

How about mentioning how Bailey shut down Moss, and Moss's td's came after Bailey got hurt?

I was married to a hot girl who gave me her number. It's not all it's cracked up to be.