Friday, October 17, 2008

A Moral Dilemma


So I've been having trouble sleeping lately, to the point that my doctor recently prescribed me a low dose of Ambien, which has successfully shuffled me off to slumber every time I've taken it since. It was a wonderful relationship, me and the Ambien, and it had been quite effective in the weeks I've been taking it. Seeing the Red Sox down 7-0 and realizing I had a busy Friday ahead, I took my sleeping pill last night at 10pm, and waited for the effects to kick in while I watched the waning moments of the Red Sox' season. I figured I'd last another fifteen minutes or so before the pill's effects took over me, and a restful night's sleep would ensue.

Then the Sox started to come back. And come back. And come back.

Obviously, I couldn't miss a potentially epic Sox comeback, but the pill's effects were also weaving their way through my bloodstream with great quickness. I am proud to say, after repeated eye-flickings and a few slaps to the face that, in the face of Ambien's grip, I stayed up through the whole game and watched the Sox complete possibly the greatest comeback of my life. I did, however, fire off the following text messages to HZMLS:

11:44 PM: i took a fucking ambien at 10 and now my eye hurts from flicking it to stay awake. ow.

11:45 PM: if they pull this out theyre winning the series. also i see pink christina aguilera monsters on second base

11:50 PM: coco just hit that ball into a pile of broccoli and it was fielded by dracula and thrown over a pair of mountains that were actally jenna jamesons boobs. im really sleepy.

11:55 PM: why do they keep throwing and hitting that marshmallow instead of toasting it for smores?

11: 59 PM: what if terry francona blew a bubble big enough for him to live inside? would it float or roll around like the orbs on american gladiators? also bj upton looks guilty of something.

12:02 AM: i wonder what happened to dauber from coach. he was like what would happen if boomer esiasons retarded kid grew up

12:08 AM: if thi sgoes extra innings theres a strong chance that ill mistake one of my gfs yankee candles for orange juice and try to drink it

12: 16 AM: holy fucking shit we won unlike vietnam or the war of 1812.

Now, I'm a very superstitious sort. During the 2004 series, I had to sit in the exact same chair, wearing the exact same shirt, with my left shoe untied. In 2007, I didn't change my Sox undershirt for two weeks. During the Celtics series, I had to drink a bottle of Andre champagne during every playoff game. While it could be said that the Sox started playing better once I took my Ambien...can I possibly interpret that as a sign of good luck? Do I have to watch every ALCS and possibly World Series game now while hallucinating on a sleeping pill? I'm not even kidding, I'm seriously torn on the matter. Any advice, O loyal readers?

1 comment:

Laura said...

I like that you drank Andre. You wouldn't want to have to spend a lot of money to cheer on the Celts...

At work, we have an apple crisp / Red Sox playoffs superstition and all take turns making it the night of an ALDS, ALCS or WS game. Perhaps you could recruit someone else to trip face while watching the game so you don't have to?

one two three NOT-IT!