Saturday, October 25, 2008

Mass Hysteria's Fantasy Preview: Week 8

This week is again brought to you by our good friend Grimey

You know what's better than being 35-12-2 with your picks, 23 games over .500? Picking up your first win of the season.

(I'm sure you all remember when you got your first win. Or maybe not, it was probably several weeks ago.)

It's even better when you have to sweat the Monday night game because you accidentally started a defense on a bye week. That's a great idea, Yahoo! Separate the kicker and the defense from the offensive players! And make it so you have to scroll down the page to notice it!

(I seriously hope the guy who designed this fantasy football interface is one of the 1200 Yahoo! employees who got laid off. And if not, I hope his Christmas STILL sucks. Maybe botulism in his cranberry sauce.)


On to the picks!

HOLY SHIT IT'S A REAL FUCKING GAME OF THE WEEK: FAT DRUNK AND STUPID (6-1) over THE WILD CARD (6-1
)... Pepster should be very proud of his team after he beats The Wild Card to take over first place. Maybe he should put together a parade to show how proud of his team he is. You know, a pride parade.

EAT SEVENTEEN BEERS (5-2) over OSI HUMANURINE (3-3-1): I'm chalking up this win to Jeff Garcia having retard strength over the Dallas defense. By the way, isn't this the same Dallas defense that sent nine guys to the Pro Bowl last year? Oh wait, the Pro Bowl is a popularity contest and not an indicator of actual skill. Gotcha.

(Wait a minute... I may have just inadvertently reversed jinxed the Dallas defense. Fortunately, as I proved last week, reverse jinxes never work.)

FUTUREMRWILLAFORD (3-4) over HANGIN WITH MR DUNGY (2-5)
: I remember my first inter-office fantasy football draft... I had the fourth pick. Peyton Manning went first, followed by Shaun Alexander, and then Carson Palmer went to this girl who was a total Bengals homer. I remember regretting at the end of the season picking Larry Johnson over LaDainian Tomlinson.

That was two seasons ago. Oh how the times have changed. (Sorry Rocco.)

MY LITTLE PONIES (3-4) over PLASCHKE EATS PENIS (2-4-1)
: Sorry, Kerry Collins... your award for "Player I Can't Fucking Believe is Making a Fantasy Start" is quite short-lived... and the new winner is....

/reads card

Josh Morgan! Seriously, who the fuck is Josh Morgan? Didn't he kill off Sonny Corinthos once on General Hospital?

PEYTONS INFECTED SAC (5-2) over COCKFLASHLISAOLSON (3-3-1): I'd personally like to thank Lance Moore, who I dropped on waivers this week to pick up Antonio Bryant, for his three weeks of service to one of my pay-league teams. In particular, his one point performance last week. I hope you have a wonderful time in London, Lance Moore, and I also hope that you wind up getting one of those rogue European strains of staph infection on your taint.

FIGHTIN' AMALIES (3-4) over RUBBERFISTINGMITTEN (3-3-1)
: A very hard pick considering half of the players currently listed in each lineup are on bye weeks... so instead I will just mention that if there is ever a remake of Dolemite, it damn well better star Johnnie Lee Higgins. (R.I.P. Rudy Ray Moore.)

NORFOLK & WAY (2-5) over LESSTHANJAKEDELHOMME (1-6): Man, oh man, if Ryan Grant wasn't on a bye week....

1 comment:

Starting Aces said...

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GET INTO IT

I HAVE NO BUSINESS BEING IN THIRD PLACE