Tuesday, October 14, 2008

A Love Letter To Matthew Ryan

Matty





Dear Matt,

You probably don't know me, but by golly I know you. I am your biggest fan, I've watched you since the days when you took over for Quinton Porter at BC. I've watched you develop into a beautiful young man at Atlanta. And let me tell you this, I love you. No really, I want to go gay for you. You make me feel like no other person has ever made me feel. The way you grab that ball from under the centers legs, ooooh it just gives me shivers down my spine. This weekend when you beat the Bears, and systematically drove your team for the win, I just completely fell for you. And when you gave coach Mike Smith that leaping hug, well I have to say I felt a little jealous. I really wish that was me getting that man sandwich from your dreamy arms and legs.


Matty I just want a smart man, someone who knows what to do in life. You seem like you have a great head on your shoulders and well, would you be interested in a guy like me? I would worship you like you were a god, rub your godlike feet with scented oils after a tough game, and massage your masculine back if the defense was rough on you. I really wish you still were playing ball up here in New England. Not because the Pats or BC could really use you, but because I really miss your handsome Pennsylvanian smile and boyish eyes. Jesus Christ, I love you.

So my dearest Matt, here is what I am proposing to you. Come up to Boston, I know this great Italian restaurant in the North End called Assagio's. Its real romantic, and cozy, a great place for us to get to know each other. If things work well there, we can go on the swan boats and cuddle (I bet your manly arms would feel great to keep me warm). I have a Sade's greatest hits album, and we can light some scented candles, and maybe even take a warm bubble bath together before. And I know this would be the first time for both of us, but the love making would be gentle, lots of exploring and tenderness I promise. Romance is my forte. And if things go well, maybe just maybe we can spend the rest of our lives together as husband and husband. I really hope you consider my offer Matt, I really think you're an amazing guy.

Love always and forever,
Hazelmaeslandingstrip


P.S- I just saw your going to be coming to BC this weekend!!! How exciting, I sit over in the front row of Section C, I'll be the guy in a #2 Falcons Jersey blowing kisses to you. C U THERE!!!

10 comments:

Dubs said...

Sighs and shivers. Sighs and shivers. Mostly shivers. You know what, all shivers.

stanley cup of chowder said...

Wow, this is almost as creepy as my lame attempt to woo futuremrsrickankiel.

I would not be surprised if someone knocks on your door today and serves you a temporary restraining order barring you from coming within 1,000 feet of Alumni Stadium this weekend.

futuremrsrickankiel said...

Many have wooed. None have succeeded.

Nice try, though!

GHABB,Y~! said...

Now Matt, point on the doll where HZMLS touched you...

Dubs said...

Inspector Butters is on the case!

Grimey said...

This post makes Pepster's avatar physically uncomfortable

Pepster said...

And Pepster himself, as well.

GranDude said...

Life's Little Lessons #26,341:
Never get shitfaced with FMRA and blurt out your password.

Hazel Maes Landing Strip said...

Hmmm, this is going to take a lot of pictures of naked chicks to get me out of this one...

Matt Ryan said...

This is 100 times gayer than my super gay nickname. Matty Ice does not approve...unless of course you were serious.

Do you like impressionist art? I know a great gallery that is absolutely fab!

<3 Matty <3