Thursday, October 9, 2008

He's Baaaackk.........

Damn right I'm back, you sorry-ass pieces of shit.


Gil Velazquez, we hardly knew ye.

Yes, you heard the news correctly: for the ALCS, the Sox are going to carry 11 pitchers, and that 11th pitcher is none other than Mr. I Will Fucking Kill You With My Bare Hands If I Have To So Help Me God himself, Michael August Timlin. That's the Mike A. Timlin with the 5.62 ERA, the 81 ERA+, and the 1.62 WHIP, in case you're confused.

So.... why am I sort of okay with this???

First, it's not like there were a lot of better options out there. Your other choices basically boiled down to David Aardsma, who has imploded like a black hole since the beginning of August, and Chris Smith, who is... well, Chris Smith. Even though he's pitched like Julian Tavarez on downers this year, Timlin is still a Crafty Veteran Who Will Not Feel The Pressure. Besides, it's not like we're going to see him in any real live pressure situations. Except for, you know, close extra innings games where every pitch could decide a pennant. Wait, maybe I'm not sort of okay with this....

In any event, it's done, and Timmy is on your ALCS roster as (presumably) the designated mop-up guy. Perhaps he could bring his bow and knock off some of Rocco Baldelli's mitochondria from the bullpen....

Personally, I would have called up Will Middlebrooks and gotten rid of that Pedroia stiff.... but the team no longer responds to, or even acknowledges, my many, many Middlebrooks-related emails, and may in fact be in the process of filing several restraining orders against me. We'll see how that plays out.

1 comment:

Yablo said...

I'm assuming he's the designated retaliation-pitch-thrower.

Walk casually to first base, Carl Crawford, and nobody gets hurt.