Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Breakfast with the Hysterics

Good morning ya'll. Your favorite editor is back after taking yesterday off with a bad case of "Deadline-itis", which usually can only be cured by work. Man I hate those days, I would rather be making inappropriate Matt Ryan references and comparing the Patriots to serial killers. Last night the Celtics looked great again, lifting their 17th banner to the rafter, and receiving their "Shamrock" Captain America rings. The Bruins according to the ESPN ticker won 1-0, with Tim Thomas tossing the shutout. Is that the correct terminology? I have no clue. But a win is a win, and that should keep our pretty little Hockey Editor happy.

But the theme for this morning is discussing the ways we all find ways to slack at work. We all do it, in some form or another. Whether its shooting the breeze with a coworker in the break room, surfing the internet, or calling a fiance we as a nation are more than proficient in discovering ways to avoid tasks we are paid for. Here are my Top Five Ways to Waste Time at Work:

5. Google Reader- I dont know if you all know what this is, but its a death trap for wasting time. Basically every blog I come across whether it be Deadspin or Grimes for President, I can click on a little icon and they all load on one page. I am now up to about 40 blogs I read constantly, which in the end probably wastes hours of my day. I swear on certain days I read the same story written by like 5 blogs, all involving Santonio Holmes and his horse dong.

4. Wikipedia- I have been ripped on by numerous close friends of mine for being flighty and tangential. Wikipedia is like the heroin that makes those deficits worse. If I hear a new Rap song on the radio on the way to work I immediately Wiki it, which in turn has me click on some other link and by the time I know it I'm reading about the history of Swedish Meatballs.

3. Messing with my fantasy teams- This is usually more of a time waster during Baseball season, but even during the winter months I find this can be a vortex of non productiveness. It even gets to the point I even spend large chunks of time thinking of witty team names. "Matt Ryan is My Lord and Savior" "Plaschke eats Penis", and "Man Bear Pig" were the best I could come up with this year (an off year in terms of originality). Right now I have 5 fantasy football teams, a Fantasy Basketball team, a college pick em league and I do that ESPN streak thing. Because I have so many football teams I think I spend half my time trying to remember who is on what team. Goal for next year, 2 fantasy baseball teams that is it, stop the insanity of rooting for Carlos Zambrano to both toss a shutout for your team, and get crushed so you can win in another league.
2. Porn- Just kidding that would get me fired.

2. Emailing- I must get close to a hundred emails a day on GMAIL, and I feel the compulsion to read them all at work. The worst thing is I have GMAIL notifier on my computer which makes a noise that immediately distracts me from whatever work related thing I was doing. Its like a Pavlovian thing for me, when the little blue envelope comes up I salivate like a dog and impulsively check my GMAIL. Who cares if its just Blockbuster notifying me that they sent Heroes Disc 2, its still a rush.

1. GMAIL Chat- The supreme waster of my time. I remember when I started this blog with the other editors, I had no idea what GMAIL Chat was. Now I can't stop, no matter how much work I have to do. Its like AIM, but less stigmatizing and weird, a hipper Instant Messenger for adults. Well at least thats how I rationalized it. Now I spend large parts of my day talking to the MH editors, my fiance, friends from back home, whoever has a green dot next to their name. It just doesn't end.

Well now that I am done wasting time, have a great Hump Day.

Question for the Masses: I know most of you are probably diligent workers, but if you slack what is your weapon of choice?


futuremrsrickankiel said...

I write for a shitty Boston-themed sports blog.

The A-Train said...

I read a shitty boston-themed sports blog. And I hate boston sports!

Rocco said...

Reading shitty blogs aka KSK, MHS, etc.

Thank god I don't have any friends and/or IM apps are blocked. That used to be a huge time waster.

Email ranks up there.

Wiki is my crack.

Oh, and I'm a lot.

Rocco said...

On. I'm on. Maybe I should take a typing lesson while I'm wasting time.

Anonymous said...

In order of reading:
KSK, MASS HYSTERIA, Deadspin, TBL, footbawful, Chicks in the huddle, Awful Ann.....etc., actual newspapers like WaPost,, and others.
Online radio...a channel for everything, from dear Jimmy Buffett, to Phoenix Jazz station etc.
Podcasts...a bit.
Pointing out incredibly odd things to my colleague in my office.

Hazel Maes Landing Strip said...

Usually I save my boatdrinking until the weekend.