Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Breakfast with the Hysterics!



So yesterday I was saying to everyone who would listen that I had just a terrible feeling about the Patriots game going into last night. "If you want to spare yourself more heartache after the Red Sox loss, I suggest not watching this game." And I even tossed out a score prediction - 38-7. AND LOOK HOW CLOSE I WAS! Now I know what you're thinking..."Smarty, didn't you pick Denver to win by that score?" To you I say this: stop being a sore loser. "But--" No, no, no. You're just mad that I was right. Admit it!

Thinking back to the past few days, I realized I had a great feeling going into Game 7 of the ALCS and a terrible feeling going into last night's Patriots game. Just like many many women have shown, sports seem to care not for my feelings either. So let me throw some reverse-jinx shit out there - I have a terrible feeling about the Celtics repeating as champions, a discouraging feeling about the Patriots winning the Super Bowl, and an awful feeling about the URI Men's Basketball team winning the A-10 title this year. Woooot.

Now here's a story that hasn't been mentioned on here yet, but I feel in the spirit of schadenfreude, we should rip on the problems of others...especially if they play for the Yankees. Joba Chamberlain got nailed for a DUI over the weekend, and apparently he was well over the legal limit. I referred to him as being "wasted" in an email to the Hysterics, but in reality I have no idea how drunk someone would be with a 0.13 BAC. I was trying to think of the drunkest I have ever been and what my BAC was at that stage. I think it had to be my senior year of college. My house decided to have an "Around The World" party, where each room of the house hosts a different shot, and a guest's goal is to make it "Around The World" by the end of the night. Needless to say I had circumnavigated several times before 7:00 PM. I honestly have almost no memory of the night, but the one moment that stands out is maybe the dumbest mistake I ever made in my college years. I was sitting on the couch in my room with this beautiful girl, who turned to me and said "Smarty, I really wanna hook up with someone tonight...do you have any suggestions?" She was practically laying across my lap at this point. So I turned to her, looked deep into her eyes, and said, "Hmm..how about that guy over there?"

So here's a question for the masses. What is the drunkest you have ever been? And have you ever made a mistake as colossal as mine that fateful autumn night?

5 comments:

Hazel Maes Landing Strip said...

Drunkest eh?

My graduation party after I received my Master's Degree. Keg Party had been drinking all day, playing beirut, jello shots the works. Well the party was at my house near the Beach and I thought it would be a good idea to go swimming at like 2 in the morning. So I dove in the water fully clothed, and dragged FutureMrsHMLS in the water with me, effectively ruining her outfit with the saltwater. After I got out of the water, I did my best Hulk Hogan impression and tore my white undershirt in half leaving it on the side of the raod. At this point I could barely walk, SmartyBarrett had to physically drag me home because I couldn't stand. Nice feat of strength there buddy. We got back to my house, and I continued drinking. It was at this point I thought doing another keg stand would be a good idea. Well I could barely hold myself up and fell hit my head on the keg and slammed head first through a styrofoam cooler. There is a picture of it floating around the internet, I will post it if I can find it.


And oh yeah:

FLUTIE FLUTIE FLUTIE

The A-Train said...

Drunkest I've ever been?

Hmmm....

Lets see, there was that time junior year when I went to an $10 open bar from 5-8. This was after a basketball game so I'd been drinking before and during the game, so I arrived warmed up so to speak. By the end of the night I was drinking directly from the pitcher. I think I told my cup "fuck you jobu, I do it myself!" and then threw it.

Needless to say, I was pretty shit-cocked by 8:05. I staggered back to my apartment in a blizzard getting lost twice. I crashed into my bedroom wall, the bathroom door frame, and passed out wrapped around the toilet.

Also, the summer between junior and senior year one of my friends worked as a bartender at a bar with almost no patrons. 7&7's in pint glasses that were just seagrams's with 7-up for color? check. Free shots? Check. Beer pong w/ 5 dollar pitchers? Check. Me throwing back a shot of Jack while my friend yells "That's our DD folks!"? ...check. I have no clue how we didn't die that night. I do remember one of my friends had to take a shit so we pulled over so he could sit on a guard rail and crap over it into the ravine.

there's a bunch more, I'll post them throughout the day.

Dubs said...

Check your email...

stanley cup of chowder said...

You left out the best part of the Joba story. Before he got pulled over. He confronted some Sox fan who was heckling him at a nudie bar. I guess the guy yelled something about "if you played for the Red Sox you wouldn't be sitting here".

Anonymous said...

My best "memory?" is a party at the house of a guy I liked. I was 'cool' until about 10 shots of tequila into the party. I remember 10 anyways. Somewhere after 10, I road in a car to get more tequila with others. (still remember that). Somewhere after that, I apparently started reverse flowing around the house, just to be friendly.
I came back to earth in my own apartment at 2am, not sure how I got there. So I lost 8pm to 2am...and how I hurled and how I got home (nice teddy bear guy took pity). Sigh. The stories apparently needed to be shared with me everytime I saw some of the party goers, and believe it or not, that guy and I never hooked up. Weird, huh?
Boatdrinks...back to 3 shot max after that