Thursday, October 16, 2008

Breakfast With the Hysterics

Welcome to Nut-Check Thursday, where Red Sox fans are encouraged to drink Jack Daniels, grab hold of their testicles (or ovaries in FutureMrs' case), and support their team. Tell the wife to DVR The Office, because tonight's a baseball night.

*The Phillies qualified for the World Series by beating the Dodgers 5-1. The Phils qualified for the Series with solid pitching, timely hitting, and Not angering God by having Manny Ramirez. After the loss, Ramirez was sent the following telegram from Red Sox GM Theo Epstein:

Dear Manny, STOP Ha Ha, Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha. STOP Ha Ha Ha. STOP Ha. STOP Ha. STOP P.S. STOP Suck my balls, and fuck you. STOP

The World Series apperance will be the first for the Phillies since 1993. Suffice to say, Mitch Williams will not be involved this year in ANY way, though, sadly, John Kruk will probably take 28,484 opportunities over the next few weeks to remind us that he was part of that '93 team.

*Tony Romo, he of the broken pinkie, has now decided that he wants to play through the pain instead of sitting out a month like originally thought. He apparently made this decision after speaking with a certain Vicodin-addicted geriatric Gunslinger, a phone conversation which shall be replayed in Peter King's pornographic fantasies for the next dozen years. As someone who owns Tony Romo in our fantasy league and had to give up Jerricho Cotchery just to get Brad Johnson from the asshole who claimed him on waivers, I'd like to issue a hearty "go fuck yourself" to Mr. Jessica Simpson for waiting three days before making this decision. Thank god that I'm such a fantasy football genius that even this poor twist of fate will not deter me from my destiny to rape and pillage my way through the Mass Hysteria fantasy football league, like a Visgoth with a MacBook.

*Leanne won Project Runway, narrowly defeating Korto in last night's Season Finale. I, for one, was just happy that the uber-annoying Kenley didn't win, with her over-reliance on 50's fashion and frequent use of flowered prints. Leanne's wave-inspired patterns were soothing to the eye, and yet innovative in a modernist sense, and her use of sustainable fabrics was also viewed as a plus by the judges.

What? When you move in with your girlfriend, you have to make some concessions, okay?

5 comments:

Hazel Maes Landing Strip said...

Posting about Project Runaway is way gayer then posting love letters to Matt Ryan.

Anonymous said...

But GHABB,Y~! is doing all in his power to bring all kinds of demographics to MH.
Also, Kenley was annoying as shit and everyone in America today that hated her is happy, including BDD.
Manny, whatcha' doing today, asshole?
Boatdrinks

Grimey said...

As someone who owns Tony Romo in our fantasy league and had to give up Jerricho Cotchery just to get Brad Johnson from the asshole who claimed him on waivers

Present!

shaun said...

Romo better play. I explored various options in the event of his absence. Some prick signed Matt Ryan hours before I tried to, so I got stuck with that hick from Cleveland. I was offered Cutler, but I'm not giving up Portis for a four week rental.


I thought about dropping Romo, but I knew someone would snap him up the week he came back before I got to him.

stanley cup of chowder said...

My league does a roster freeze until tuesday morning, so I had to wake up early just to make sure some douchebag didn't pick up Brad Johnson.