Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Breakfast with the Hysterics

Welcome back after the long weekend, Hysterics. Hope you all stayed sober and reveled in a substance free weekend in the warm embrace of your family and loved ones. BAHAHAHAHA. Yeah right, if you are like me you spent a majority of this weekend in an alcohol induced daze sitting on your ass watching baseball. My brain feels like mush right now, a porous sponge soaked in liquid death. The one time this weekend I was sober was Friday night when I went to the Topsfield Fair. For you out of towners you may ask, "HMLS, are you that fucking lame that you would spend a weekend night at a Fair?" My response is look pal, the TF is prime, if you want to blow a weeks worth of pay, and take a solid three years off your life this is the place to be. In four hours there I ate a candied apple, cider, fried dough, nachos and a piece of pumpkin pie. My waist line was screaming for dear life after that night, and my toilet the next morning, but I digress.

If you have not been to the Topsfield Fair, or worse yet never even heard of it, I say SHAME ON YOU. People watching at the fair is something that can only be described as "the most amazing thing to ever watch in the history of earth, ever". The degenerates that run the games there are all either immensely overweight, or still trying to kick heroin. And how do they keep their income to blow on food or H? Your hard earned money. Try throwing that ball in the hoop, I can tell you Ray Allen couldn't hit that shot. The people walking around the fair are usually equally impressive: there are the teenagers who are hoping to touch tit on the Ferris Wheel, the white trash with Harley Davidson shirts on looking at the Pigs, and assholes like me who come to look at the freaks. In a little under 4 hours there (3 at a country concert, listen assholes I like redneck music), I went through over 60 bucks. And they say the economy is suffering! And that is all without going on any rides, because I become very pukey when I go on anything faster then a Merry Go Round. (Editors Note: When I was a Freshman in High School the TF was the place to be socially, my first trip there I booted on a chick when we went on a ride. Safe to say I touched no tit that night).

But anyways that was the highlight of my weekend, especially since there were no sporting events of any kind on TV. My question for the masses: How did you piss away your long weekend?


futuremrsrickankiel said...

Um, I just got stoned. A lot.

GHABB,Y~! said...

This may be the most accurate depiction of the Topsfield Fair that I've ever read. Though the night I went, the Village People were also giving a live concert. I'm not even joking either. Also, you forgot any mention of Robinson's Racing Pigs, or the trailer in which you could pay three dollars to see a live Bear.

Rocco said...

HMLS you would love the Erie County Fair.

I watched the ball games and the Sabres game Friday while pounding beers.

I played hockey and watched baseball and hockey Saturday while pounding a shit load of beers.

I watched football and baseball on Sunday.

I played hockey and pounded more beers yesterday while watching baseball.

As my college buddy always said: "The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom."