Wednesday, October 15, 2008
at 7:30 AM Posted by GHABB,Y~!
When I was a kid, we used to have a dog. He was a cocker spaniel, and from the minute we got him, my family had no fucking clue what to do with the thing. He was, in short, a spaz of the highest order. He constantly ran around at full speed, and never once calmed the fuck down long enough for you to pat him. He knocked things over in the house constantly, and pissed and shit everywhere. He would bark at all hours of the night, for no apparent reason. And yet still, because he was my first dog, I loved that animal, and was genuinely saddened when Dad told me that he was sent off to a farm where he could run around as much as he pleased, without fear of knocking over vases of scratching up the couch.
Now, some of you may try to tell me about this phantom "ALCS" against some team called the "Rays," but to admit that is to admit that my Dad didn't necessarily send my dog to a blissful farm, and I'm just not psychologically ready to admit that. Meanwhile, I'm readying myself for "the World Series of Dude's Names," between the Phils and the Rays. I can't wait to see Jay Leno interview people named Ray and Phil and ask them who they're rooting for! I wonder if people named Ray Phillips or Phillip Ray will get in for free! It's fun to watch baseball!
Sure, the Sox may come back from 3-1 down, like they did in last year's ALCS. That's a possibility. But after watching them mail in two straight home games against a hungry Rays team, I'm not holding out a ton of hope. Call me a pessimist, call me a naysayer, call me a shitter in your bowl of Hope flavored Ice Cream. All I know is that, when I think of the fate of this year's Red Sox team, the first thing that pops into mind is a happy farm, where Jason Varitek gets to run around with my old cocker spaniel.