Thursday, September 4, 2008
at 2:30 PM Posted by GHABB,Y~!
-Winning a $500 Powerball lottery on the same day that the government decides to repeal the income tax, then quitting my day job by defecating on my boss's desk.
-Kristen Bell sitting on my face, and thanking me afterwards for the privilege.
-Finding out that the hospital with a cure for diabetes is located directly next to the world’s greatest Chinese buffet (that charges only a dollar and includes all-you-can-eat sushi), which happens to have heated toilet seats and newspaper sports sections from all over the country in the bathroom.
-Being named the referee in an over-the-top midget battle royal.
-Standing next to Ron Jeremy at a urinal and having him look over and say "Wow, impressive."
-Having Ronnie James Dio pop out of my birthday cake and break into a rendition of "Holy Diver."
-Turning my entire house into a giant Moon Bounce.
-Being the world’s sole hoverboard owner.
-Magically morphing into Stacy Keibler’s bar of soap.
-Defeating Ivan Drago in Moscow, avenging the death of my best friend Apollo Creed.
-Finding out that HBO is deciding to produce new episodes of Arrested Development.
-Partying for one night with Ric Flair.
-Opening my own White Castle restaurant.
-Having the exact day described by Ice Cube in “It Was A Good Day”, minus the Lakers beating the Supersonics.
-Seeing a basketball starting five comprised of Bryant Reeves, Eric Montross, Gheorge Muresan, Serge Zwikker and Acie Earl, and coached by Nate Doornekamp.
- Winning a Caucasian speedrapping contest over Snow.
-Finding out that Joe Esposito’s epic song “You’re the Best Around” was written about me.
-Having a front-row ticket to a fight between Mike Tyson and his tiger.
-Having my voice altered so that everything I say sounds like it’s coming from the guy with the really low voice from Boyz II Men.
-Owning a basement filled with gold Sacagawea coins that I can swim around in every morning.
-Winning a lifetime supply of Strongbow cider, and having a tap installed in my kitchen.
Granted, the Patriots aren’t playing, but tonight is the official start to the 2008 NFL season, and therefore a day of epic awesomeness. Give your list of things that would be more awesome in the comments.