Monday, September 29, 2008

The Mass Hysteria NFL Coaches Death Pool: Who Ya Got?

(image courtesy of

Even though he is sick, Hazel Maes Landing Strip is dedicated to our fledgling blog Mass Hysteria Sports. This morning he had an idea of what he wanted to write, but took some NYQuil and the whole article was completely incoherent. As the effects of the medication wears off, HMLS asks that you refrain from mocking him if something makes no sense, is not funny, or sounds like something someone on drugs would write. Well enjoy!

This morning Scott Linehan was finally fired as head coach of the St. Louis Rams. The owner of the Rams Chip Rosenbloom said that the Rams were not going in the right direction, that Linehan was a great coach but in the wrong situation. Good coach? Ummm he benched their franchise QB, their star RB hated him, and they were outscored 147-43 through 4 games. Players were mocking him because he tried to be their friend instead of coach. It doesn't matter how nice of a guy you are, someone is going to take the fall and 9 out of 10 times its the head coach. Linehan's firing was not a surprise, but now the question arises; Who will be the next head coach to get the ole' heave ho?

1. Lane Kiffin- First of all, I love watching the Raiders lose, I hate the team and their uber creepy fans. If my fiance ever dressed up in Raiders gear I would leave her in a second. I don't give a shit how much I love her. But anyways I feel bad for Kiffin, he is a young guy who hasn't been given much of a chance with the Raiders. He finally has some weapons to work with in Darren McFadden and JaMarcus Russell, but he won't get the time to see them develop. Al Davis is utterly insane, and has no patience with anyone, my guess is Kiffin is playing on borrowed time and will be in the unemployment line soon.
2. Rod Marinelli- Matt Millen was finally fired last week, which was about three years later then expected. Millen leaves the organization like I leave the bathroom after eating three pounds of burritos; a fucking mess. The Lions are a terrible football team, and a terrible organization that is going to take a long time to rebuild. Two weeks ago the Lions got their ass handed to them by the 49ers, and that my friends does not get much lower then that. The Lions have the next two games against the Bears and Vikings.

3. Marv Lewis- Do you remember the time when the experts thought that the Bengals had turned the corner and were finally going to become a legitimate franchise? They had one of the leagues best QB's, two of the best WR's, Rudi Johnson, and Marv Lewis to fix the D. Well those expectations took a belly flop as the offense looks terrible, the defense still sucks, and Carson Palmer is hurt. Losing to the winless/hapless Browns doesn't help much either.
4. Brad Childress- Ok really no one should pity you if you get fired. You have two of the best RB's in the game in Purple Jesus and Chester Taylor and yet you still can't find ways to win games. Why is that? Because your top two QB's are Gus Frerotte and Tavaris Jackson. You have way too much talent on this team to be sucking this badly.
5. Romeo Crennel- Crennel is more of a long shot then the other guys. He is coming off a win against the Bengals and sometimes ownership tends to remember your last game. But what the fuck happened to the Browns? Led by Horseballs last year and JLew they had one of the most prolific offenses in the game, now Anderson looks like shit and the defense is still awful.
6. Gary Kubiak- Another long shot, the Texans looked pathetic the first two weeks of the season but their offense woke up last week scoring 27 points against Jacksonville and eventually losing on a Josh Scobee field goal in OT. They still haven't won a game.

Well those are 6 of the favorites to get the axe. Did I miss someone that you think might get tossed to the curb? One of these teams has got to see Bill Cowher and say "Why are we still clowning around with our Coach when Cowher is still available??"


A Pimp Named DaveR said...

You gotta feel bad for Marinelli. It must be difficult to coach when your GM keeps on giving you nothing but wide receivers, despite your glaring lack of talent at, oh, 10 different positions....

Anonymous said...

HERM EDWARDS SUCKS THE BIG ONE and yet is still cheap are the Chiefs? He might be there a while.