Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Look who's come crawling back...

That would be us, actually, who's doing the crawling back. Yes, my friends: the Patriots have signed former preseason castoff Matt Gutierrez to our practice squad and may reactivate him as soon as Sunday to face the Jets. Matt, how does that make you feel?


"Frankly, part of me wants to tell the Patriots to go eat a big juicy dickball sub with extra sauce. Fucking cut me for Matt Cassel and his total inability to locate wide receivers on the field? Bitch please. I was the (second) best thing you had going for you, and you went short-sightedly running off with that USC nancyboy into OneTornACLAwayFrom3-13Land? I accrued a passer rating of almost 113 in the preseason and you STILL let my shit go?! Pshh. You don't deserve me, Patriots.

"But then, of course, I remembered that I don't have a job and don't know how to do anything other than play football. Thanks, Idaho State! Anyway, in summary the Patriots are a great team and it's an honor to be here."

Thanks, Matt!

While it's true that some morons of the mouth-breathing, EEI-calling variety have been clamoring for the Pats to sign Jon Kitna/Daunte Culpepper/any random old fuck who's played quarterback for more than a few years, I think there's no question that working closely with young, healthy quarterbacks who actually know our playbook and are used to working within Belichick's system represents a) a much safer bet for the season in general and b) a MUCH more intelligent strategic move on the part of the organization. Remember, not preparing adequately for the future is what got us into this mess in the first place; signing an old-ass stopgap QB would be exactly the wrong step for the team to take at this point. Forget thee not that the Patriots have arguably more combined talent at the skills positions than they ever did back in the early part of the decade. Sure, those of you who have Randy Moss on your fantasy teams will bitch and moan about getting fewer yards each week, but shut the fuck up. This is about the team, dammit, and if Cassel and Gutierrez want to run slant routes and 5-yard carries all day long it DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER AS LONG AS WE SCORE TOUCHDOWNS. Ya dig? So let's hear it for Mr. Gutierrez. He's the difference between us and, well, the New York Jets.

7 comments:

GHABB,Y~! said...

I know you created that bald men tag for me

futuremrsrickankiel said...

Obviiiiiii...

Zach Martin said...

I like the idea of Matt Cassell and Belichick working close together. It reminds me of something.

futuremrsrickankiel said...

Matt and Matt > Mike and Mike and Mike

smurphette said...

You are a treat.

But I won't shut the fuck up about Randy Moss getting fewer fantasy yards. FUUUUUCK. (See? I'm not happy that Brady's hurt.)

A Pimp Named DaveR said...

With all due respect to my lovely colleague.... this is about as surprising as the sun rising in the east, for a variety of reasons.

(1) Virtually no NFL team goes into a game with only 2 available QBs these days, especially given the "emergency QB" rule that allows a non-game-roster QB to be carried by the team for restricted use.

(2) Kevin Faulk, on the other hand, has to be activated to the active 45-man roster this week, because his suspension (during which he didn't count against the roster limit) is now up.

(3) Problem #2 is solved by a certain player going on IR, freeing up a slot.

(4) But you still need a 3rd quarterback.

(5) And there happens to be one who is familiar with the system and still practice squad-eligible (having been released outright, and therefore capable of being signed directly to the practice squad).

Ergo, the decision is a no-brainer.

Hazel Maes Landing Strip said...

Is Michael Bishop still looking for a job? He probably still remembers the playbook.