The Mass Hysteria Fantasy Football League kicks off this weekend. After the draft, reader and all-around cool cat James shared his observations with us. Today, we present to you the following, which the brilliant Grimey left on the league message board.
Since nobody else has come up with a way to piss everybody else off in almost a week, here's my picks for Week 1 of this fantasy football fuck-tacular....
CATFIGHT OF THE WEEK (ROWR!): MY LITTLE PONIES over RUBBERFISTINGMITTEN [Ed. note: yup, that's right]... FMRA testing her sleeper picks early, starting Jabar Gaffney and David Patten over the Minnesota Viking futility twins. Smurphette can still start an inactive Jerry Porter and win this one handily.
FIGHTIN' AMALIES over NEW DAY CO-OP: Yahoo's point projections have Adrian Peterson scoring 18 points this week, while the Falcons' Michael Turner is projected to score 34. In other news, Yahoo's point projections are more fucked than Shawne Merriman's future ability to walk.
FAT DRUNK & STUPID over PEYTON'S INFECTED SAC: Nothing much to say about this matchup, except that Pepster's avatar looks like Mos Def wants to blow me.
POOTYTANG over OSI HUMANURINE: Frank Gore and Lendale White vs. Larry Johnson and Reggie Bush? This is the matchup of Running Backs I Wouldn't Draft With Your Dick.
KACZURS PILL SURPLUS over EAT SEVENTEEN BEERS: Andre Davis? ANDRE DAVIS? Oh yeah, Steve Smith punched a guy.
FUTURE MR WILLA FORD over COCKFLASHLISAOLSON: GHABBY's starting wide receivers? Jerricho Cotchery, Donald Driver and Derrick Mason. Even Vince Young feels bad for him.
LESSTHANJAKEDELHOMME over HANGIN WITH MR DUNGY: Yahoo's point projections has Lee Evans scoring 8 points this week. If Lee Evans scores 8 points this week, I'll toss FMRA's salad while she watches a Mad Men Season 1 marathon.*
* FMRA must provide travel and lodging expenses, and MUST disinfect asshole prior to said tossing. Also must provide Mad Men Season 1 marathon. Prize expires 9/8/08.
Thanks, Grimey! Sexy league members: please send any and all thoughts on the league to me, and I'll try and get them up. Bring it on, ass-clowns! This league is mine.